I gotta say, I’m having a pretty good day today, which is surprising.
My dinner with Alex last night was pretty underwhelming. If I’m being honest, I didn’t enjoy the conversation much at all. Afterwards, I tried to figure out why that is. I believe it is because Alex is just so confrontational. I felt like every single thing I said, he had to challenge. Not only is that not what I consider a pleasant evening with a friend, but some of the things he was challenging really bordered on offensive.
For example, I mentioned how I fantasize of a time when both of my kids are in preschool. I believe that will be the first time in many years that I have any hope of reaching some of my goals, such as regularly working out, trying to improve my reading skills, attending trainings to further my education, maybe going to some couple’s counseling (to work on my sex life with my husband), etc.
Alex tried to convince me that I had an “all or nothing” attitude and then got on this soapbox about how an all or nothing attitude really just results in nothing.
I was like, “I don’t think my problem is a lack of motivation. It’s that I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted all the time.”
He suggested I read audible books while I do my chores. LOL.
I was like, “First of all, the only chores I do are the dishes and the laundry. I don’t have time to do anything else. And half the time I struggle to even do those things, let alone do them while listening to a book.” I emphasized the mental and emotional exhaustion, but to no avail. He had no empathy or understanding at all. Frankly, the fact that I somehow landed in a position where I—a working, pregnant mother—was trying to explain myself to him—a single, parentless man—was leaving a really bad taste in my mouth.
Like I said in my last entry, I think his heart is in the right place; we just don’t have enough in common.
Then, last night my daughter had another night of waking up every 30 minutes for about two and a half hours. I completely lost it at the end. I think the fourth or fifth time she started crying for me, I marched over to her room, threw the door open, and was like, “WHY ARE YOU AWAKE!?”
She immediately stopped crying and lay down on her bed quietly. I covered her up with her blankets and said, “If you cry for mommy one more time, mommy is going to put you in time out. Do you understand?”
She looked at me with a serious expression and said her version of “yes,” which is “ta.”
I was like, “If you wake up again, then go back to sleep.”
She repeated “ta.”
And I said, “Okay. Goodnight. Mommy loves you,” and marched out. She didn’t wake up crying again after that for about two hours, and by then I was not as angry.
Over the course of the night she must have woken up at least six times, though. I just keep thinking, “even breastfeeding infants don’t wake up that much!”
By some miracle, I woke up today feeling well rested, and we’ve had a fairly productive day. I rearranged the furniture I wanted to rearrange, and I have plans tomorrow to have my father-in-law paint my daughter’s toddler table and to have my husband help me pick up our swamp cooler from the post office.
This evening, after my daughter wakes up from her nap, we’re going to see if we can hang up her new butterfly wall decals in her bedroom and then go to Target to get my husband some cold medicine (my daughter got sick first), and I think we’ll pick up a new candle too. So that should be a pleasant way to spend the remainder of the day.
Hope you’re all doing well. Until next time <3
Last updated March 22, 2021