Here I am awake and exhausted. I can’t sleep because of full body pains. I woke up early this morning in a puddle of blood. I had to wash my clothes. They are in the dryer now. I hope I get to sleep some before work. All my body hurts I am depressed I know it is just hormones so I cry a little and get over it. Every month I have to fight with my brain. It tells me harm and kill myself the week of my period. My logical side knows it is my pms making me suicidal and I just need to see the good and move forward. I take no medicine except midol and tums for my heartburn. I have been having chest pains but I have faith it is just from emotional distress because of the damn hormones! I really need to try to sign up for insurance again so I can see a gynecologist for my endometriosis.
In the spring I plan to grow a bucket garden on the porch at my mobile home. I hope growing fruits and vegetables will not only help us live healthier but also save us money on our grocery bill. Last time I grew a big garden was with my father many years ago. Dad died in 2018. I miss my daddy. With mom’s permission I might also make a big garden at mom’s. If I grow enough food I plan to share with friends and family. I think dad would be proud of this kindness.
I wonder if mom would teach me how to can. Mom has a cellar in her basement. I would love to can foods from my garden.
My husband has been talking about starting to hunt and fish for food. My mom has a massive freezer we can put the meat in. I really want a dehydrator so I can make jerky.
My mind is wondering. I am going back to bed hopefully I will find no more blood puddles in the morning.