I am generally happy with the way my husband and I have divided up parenting duties, but there is also, of course, the variable of our daughter and her opinion. As she gets older, she’s definitely expressed a preference for me in a lot of areas.
The things my husband and I have agreed are my responsibility are things like choosing her clothes, styling her hair, deciding what she eats, and making sure she has access to developmentally appropriate and stimulating activities.
Things we’ve agreed are his responsibility are giving her baths, brushing her teeth, and dealing with any night time wake-ups in the two hours after she goes to bed.
Things she’s decided are my responsibility are most diaper changes, getting her dressed, preparing her food and helping her eat, reading her bedtime stories, and comforting her when she’s hurt or scared (especially overnight).
As we are expecting our second little girl this year, we’ve been more aware of how some of the things in that third list need to start transitioning over to being my husband’s responsibility. Two ways that we’ve started to make the transition are 1) he wakes up with her four days per week, so she’s starting to get used to him changing her diapers in the morning, and 2) I can’t pick her up as much as I used to, so she’s starting to accept him as a source of comfort, which is really nice because she’s definitely been regressing in a lot of ways and requires an increasing amount of comfort.
I think it’s possible that I will be able to continue to be the primary caregiver at getting her dressed, doing her hair, and reading her bedtime stories, but the area I’d really like to see more progress in is my husband’s ability to feed her. On Saturdays, the days he is with her all day, I am consistently disturbed by the ways he accommodates the issue—things like letting her eat 8 graham crackers instead of lunch and French fries for dinner, or just not feeding her all day and letting her mood (and well-being) completely deteriorate.
Recently she’s been getting into bed with us around 5am, and she usually wants to snuggle with me. This morning she actually chose to snuggle with my husband, which was a pleasant change of pace. I’m hoping as my due date gets closer, we see more and more of these changes, and not only do I hope that my daughter continues to warm up to my husband, but I hope he steps up more too.
Time to get ready for work! Until next time <3
Last updated February 27, 2021