The geese are running wild and I’m still fool enough to chase them. I blame myself for continuing with the idiocy. I should just say, “fuck it, I’m too old for this”, and give up. Tempting it is. To be sure.
It is the duality of nature, whatever it is that keeps me striving forward. I want two opposing things at once.
I didn’t sleep well last night. Maybe I worked a little too late into the night. My brain could not shut off. Rather it shut off and then for some inexcusable reason, snapped on like a lightbulb at 3am. I fumble around for the off switch to no avail.
After listening to a couple hours of podcasts, I find myself in that delicious state just between awake and asleep, drifting free of the land, but still tethered to it, like a zeppelin.
Oh the humanity.
In life I tended to many things. I’ve kept it simple, but I haven’t followed the grain. I’ve often gone against it. It’s been rough and bumpy, but the end result is good.
With projects. I complete them, but they are not really finished. The whole damn thing is a work in progress, flawed and beautiful at the same time. I have deadlines to keep so I tighten the bolts, give a quick polish and ship it out the door. If it were bread or pastries , maybe I’d hope that it would continue baking in the truck.
And maybe it would.
How I do this almost daily diary is pretty much how I do everything now. I’m sometimes overwhelmed so it’s inconsistent. But I don’t really care. I care less and less. I become more and more of myself. I have perspective. I was always adreamer, a loner, and a smart-ass and now I have more atitude.