A few hours after my husband got home from dropping off our girl, I checked MyChart, the online platform where medical information gets posted. I saw that we got the test results from the blood test that I had done about a week ago—the one that can reveal our fetus’ gender early!
I immediately put all of our disagreements aside and approached my husband to tell him the exciting news. I don’t know if the gender is going to even show up in the online results or not, but we agreed not to open the file yet. We are going to take my laptop to his parents’ house, have his mom open it, and if it does indeed say the gender, then we’ll decide if and how to do a gender reveal. I’m thinking maybe a confetti popper…
Anyway. That lightened the mood and then I asked if he wanted to address our fight from the morning. I told him that I felt justified in being angry, but I know that the way I expressed my anger wasn’t exactly in proportion to the situation, and I apologized for that.
He said that he can handle my anger outbursts, but he doesn’t like that he isn’t allowed to also get angry.
We replayed the events step by step, and that was when I was able to acknowledge that I was actually angry way earlier than I had previously realized. The first thing that frustrated me was when my husband made the helpless expression. I told him what I would have liked to have seen instead, which was him being assertive with our daughter. I gave him an example of what that would look like.
He said that we had never talked about that before, so he didn’t know.
And then it occurred to me that he does not have as much experience with kids as I do. That’s why he looks so fucking helpless. And I didn’t actually communicate with him what I wanted. I just got mad at him for not reading my mind.
All in all it was a productive conversation, I think.