I feel really happy for two reasons.
One, my present moment is beautiful. My husband woke up with our daughter at 6am for the umpteenth day in a row, while I got to lay in bed and sleep until 8:30am. It was admittedly interrupted sleep, with a two year old walking in and climbing on my face every 20-30 minutes, but it was sleep nonetheless. We had a slow morning, complete with scrambled eggs, sausages, yogurt, and coffee, and an episode of my new sitcom, Big Bang Theory. I sat on the couch and watched my husband play with my daughter for a while, and then I helped my daughter get dressed and do her hair. Everyone was in a pleasant mood.
Around 10:30am my husband took my daughter out for the day. They plan on picking up a few things at Target, visiting with grandma and grandpa, taking her new bike for a spin around the neighborhood, and not coming back home until I’m done working, around 5pm.
Things at home are finally back to baseline. I’m no longer behind on laundry, dishes, or general housekeeping. I only have four clients today, and then I have the next three days off. Also, Monday night is “date night,” which means our daughter will be sleeping overnight with her grandma and grandpa. I’ll have to think about what kind of food we want to order in and what movie we should watch. It will be the first time in a long time that my husband and I get significant one-on-one time together.
Two, my future is looking quite bright. I’m really looking forward to all the possibilities that being licensed will bring me. I think when we’re young adults, a lot of us got the message that “you have to go to college” in order to have opportunities. Well, too many of the people I know went to college and realized… a bachelor’s degree is the new high school diploma. For me and many others, we graduated and still felt lost, and like we were at the bottom of a steep climb. Then I thought, of course a master’s degree would be enough. Surely then all the doors would open. But no. At least not the master’s degree I got. I will admit, more doors did open, but they weren’t doors into the promised land that I thought they would be. I think I mentioned it before, but I don’t think I’ve ever made $30,000 in a year.
I really believe that getting licensed is going to be the THING I’ve been chasing for the past 15 years. The thing that makes all my dreams possible. I will finally be qualified in a way that is recognized to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. I can work at a community college. I can get paid enough money to afford a mortgage on a real house. I can actually help people without constantly having to sacrifice and worry about my own needs. I can start my OWN private practice. The possibilities just feel endless.
I still can’t believe that I have a husband, a toddler, and a baby on the way. Like, is this real life? I can still feel the years and years of aching loneliness as though it were yesterday. Somehow, somewhere along the way while I was trying to figure out what to do next, I managed to turn down the right path. Thank, God.
I am so grateful.
Last updated January 10, 2021