Some Kind of Normal in Staying Connected

  • Jan. 5, 2021, 12:15 a.m.
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Yeesh, it feels like forever since I’ve written.

Things have been up and down. Right now, fortunately, I’m on an up!

My husband and I have been getting into fights here and there. As I’ve written previously, things are just tough right now. The other day he was complaining about how miserable he is, and I had a hard time finding sympathy for him. But I practiced self-control, didn’t say out loud the string of criticisms I was thinking in my head, and just calmly asked him, “Is there anything you can do that you think will help you feel better?”

To my surprise, he said, “Yes. I need to start going to sleep earlier.”

Ding, ding, ding! I’ve been thinking that for months, but of course I didn’t say that to him.

He also went on to say that he’s going to start a new diet that actually makes sense. A few months back he was doing “intermittent fasting,” where he could only eat between 12 and 8pm, and he gained like 15 pounds. I could tell when I saw what he was eating that it was a bogus plan, and I told him (which I admittedly didn’t need to do), but he had to come to terms with that in his own time.

I told him that I’m glad he’s taking steps toward improving his self-care, and that for me the most important part is his self esteem and his attitude. He got a book, The Better Man Project, that seems to be really inspiring him.

I’ve been urging him for weeks to “take some time” to be by himself, but something has been preventing him from doing it. I honestly can’t say what. So I decided that some time in the next week or two I’m going to take our kid on one of my husband’s days off work and leave the condo for at least half the day so he can just be alone. I know he needs it. I’m also planning on finally having sex with him again after a few months of not wanting to be touched, ever. Hopefully both of these things help ease some of the tension around here as well.

I had about three days in a row of feeling totally past morning sickness, and then we had a bad night with our daughter, lost a lot of sleep, and morning sickness came back with a vengeance. It was really difficult because I had to process the anger and disappointment along with the symptoms of being intensely sick and tired. But things seem to have returned a good place now, and I have a renewed optimism. Today I FINALLY got everything from Christmas put away!! Double exclamation point because it’s very exciting. And I actually did three loads of laundry, too. It’s been a long time since I’ve managed to accomplish that in a single day.

My diet seems to be returning to some kind of normal. For several weeks I was eating a lot of fast food and processed foods (a lot of Hot Pockets) because it was the only thing I could tolerate, and not eating was not an option. Now I seem to be able to stomach fruits and vegetables again, which is pretty nice.

New Year’s Eve went well, the pregnancy announcement went well, and my daughter’s birthday went well. As I believe I mentioned in the last entry, the next big thing is studying for my licensing exam. Oh, and quitting my job tomorrow. Both of these things are pretty significant, so I’ll take all the luck. Thanks in advance.

<3


Last updated January 05, 2021


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