My husband Talan demanded me to drive him to Meadowbridge. I told him before traveling the distance he needs to check the fluids and tire pressure. He in returned reminded me he isn’t my deceased father and he is sure it is fine. He decided to push the car to 80 going down the mountain I told him the mountain is known to blow motors slow down. He was having fun till the engine light kicked on! He told me it wasn’t his fault it is my fault for not keeping up with the maintenance on the car. My dad used to do that when he was alive. Talan screamed my father was an idiot. He screamed my mother and brother is an idiot began to bash my entire family. Before we even made it to his aunts house I was crying.
I told he to go get trained at the ACT to fix my own car that my deceased father would be ashamed of me allowed the car to get in such a condition. I was thinking of getting trained at the ACT for car repair but due to Covid I decided it was to much a risk for my health.
His uncle Ronnie checks the oil to discover no oil in the motor. His uncle gives us oil. I thanked him and I kept telling my husband I have to drive back to Beckley to go to work. He screamed at me why can’t I call in? I reminded him someone has to pay to fix the car. He started screaming what is it his fault in front of his family.. If I could have got by with it I would of beat his ass right there instead I sat there regretting life. His family made me eat and all I thought was I simply didn’t want to be here..why did I even come?Oh that’s right Talan’s truck can’t make it up the mountain! Now he ruined my car pushing it.
I worked my shift. I came home after I put another pint of oil in the car because they said it was a pint low. My husband screamed he thought I overfilled it. I asked him to check for me. Talan screamed for hours about what an idiot my dead dad is. My dad was a brilliant mechanic he would have helped me if he was alive. My dad and I had a testing relationship but I losed my dad.
Streams of tears went down my face when Talan mentioned my dad’s heart attack resulting from him making a mistake on his medicine. My told me I came from a abusive childhood and I wouldn’t cry if I wasn’t abused during my childhood. Talan said he wasn’t abusive. I cried even harder.
I cried telling Talan dad promised to take me to Alaska so we could pan gold together. Dad loved Black Beard. When I was on vacation years ago I bought dad pirate money. Dad was so proud. I told Talan many happy memories and cried. I told him my dad wasn’t an idiot he did the best he could. Dad didn’t mean to die and if dad saw Talan treating me this poorly dad would beat Talan’s ass! Talan backed down and decided to go to sleep because I told him if he didn’t leave me the fuck alone I plan to beat Talan’s ass to honor my father! Don’t treat me less than because Talan has no mechanical know how.. I told him to check the fluids but as always men fucking ignore me!
He said I screwed up the car more by driving it to work in the slow lane. I asked him after work if he could put it on the computer at mom’s house he screamed at cussed me over my family and how he rather work than deal with him. I told him continue to neglect the damn car. Don’t worry the car will be sure that you will!
Here it is almost 7 in the morning and I am crying. I often wish I would just die to see my dad again. I don’t do anything stupid because I know no matter how miserable I can do more above the ground than below it. I will die eventually but no point of rushing it until then I need to learn to live.. It is a dark season not a dark lifetime I just got to push through.. I love you dad.