Uggghh. I do not feel great.
I don’t feel as sick or as fatigued as I was feeling last week or the week before that, but I do feel completely unmotivated. I want to say that “it’s like I’m floating through life,” but that doesn’t feel entirely accurate, because that sounds peaceful, and I don’t exactly feel peaceful, either. I just feel like I’m in a foggy survival mode. My typical survival mode is one of racing thoughts and unsettled feelings. This survival mode, however, is one of much less urgency. Is my house a disaster that is gradually becoming worse and not better? Yes. Do I feel annoyed by most interactions with family and friends? I do. Do I feel any inclination to problem solve any of it? Not really. I just live. I just wake up each morning, do only what must be done and nothing more, and move through my day as slowly as I can possibly manage until it’s time to go to bed.
I feel like I should have something to say about work. I’ve been working two jobs for about three weeks, which is crazy because it feels like it’s been much longer than that. It’s all so dragged out, though. So far I’ve been seeing between 7 and 10 clients at each job. I haven’t actually added up the total number of people I’m seeing each week. I can’t think of anything else to say about this.
I honestly can’t think of anything else to say about anything. I think I’m going to go lie down for a few minutes.
Until next time <3