(Un)founded Concern in Ultimate Randomness

So here I am on the eve of my first conventional first date. I have all sorts of feelings going through me right now. Excitement, a little nervousness, but most of all happiness. I have been unusually happy all week, and people have taken notice. Apparently, I have a glow about me. And admittedly, I have been happier than usual this week. I have tried not to go overboard with it, but everyone notices. Of course, that isn't why I am writing. Problem is, I am writing because I was thinking about something that i shouldn't even think about right now. I had read another PB member's entry earlier on today. The gist of it was how she really wanted to feel sexually attracted to her husband and feel passionate about sex with him. Of course, I have felt that from the husband's side of it. I couldn't tell you exactly when it happened, and it certainly wasn't her fault, but at some point the same thing happened in my marriage. I certainly didn't notice it when it did happen, to my detriment, but there came a point where she just completely lost interest in me sexually. Honestly, I was always surprised she had any interest in me period. And therein lies my problem. I am afraid of that being the story of my life. I am a good guy. I can be caring, cuddly, loving and all sorts of other good things. But I know I am different in some ways from most other people. It is definitely a self confidence thing I'm sure, but I always find it hard to believe when someone shows a physical interest in me. With my marriage, I never got comfortable with it. I was always nervous that I wouldn't live up to her expectations. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was always surprised she wanted me and I was always nervous about it. I tried to just live in the moment when it would happen, but it is probably why I never pursued her as much as I wanted to. I always wanted her, but I could never believe that she would want me as much, so I reasoned that I just didn't want to bother her with my wants and needs. You can see where that got me. I lost her because of it. Everything spiraled out from that lack of self confidence. So, of course, I am letting these negative thoughts pop into my head when I really shouldn't be thinking about that at all at this point. Even if that were to happen eventually, it is still a long way off. D doesn't really strike me as the type of girl who is gonna jump a guy anytime in the first few months of dating. Now, I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. I am only looking as far as maybe the first kiss. Hell, that would be enough for me. But of course, I am letting this get to me when I shouldn't even think about it. I should just be happy with things as they are. I really want to just let things flow however they will and be happy with it. Still, that part of my brain that wants to sabotage me and makes me have all these negative thoughts about myself is always going to be there and I am still trying to learn how to quiet it. I bet if I ever learn how to do that, I will finally be the person that I have all the potential to be. I wouldn't be a jerk or overconfident. I would just finally have the confidence to succeed in life. Just asking D out and having her say yes was a huge boost in that direction, but it will take alot more to wipe that part of me out of existence. I just hope I can get there in time, and that the time is not too late for my life to truly begin.