Small vent + weekend in 2020

  • Nov. 23, 2020, 10:58 a.m.
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There’s a subject I started writing about before but I felt weird so I deleted it but I kind of want to get it out because it bugs me a little bit.

Andy has one brother. That brother has been in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years. She’s best friends with Andy’s ex (his daughter’s mother). They all went to school together. That’s never been an issue; just throwing that out there.

So when Andy and I first started dating and he was telling me about his brother/family - he said his brother was not the marrying type or would never have kids. He just never thought it was necessary. As time went by and I became closer to brother’s gf on social media, I saw some posts she made about wedding talk every now and then. Cute dresses she’d see, etc so I questioned Andy and he just shrugged it off.

When Andy told his brother he was going to propose to me, his brother said that he’s been toying with the idea. This is great. I think they’re a great couple.

Fast forward months later- we’re engaged and she’s struggling with some things. I like the girl but she has a lot going on. Health problems, her dad just passed, etc. She’s not in a good place. And I don’t want to make this about me but I don’t think she took our engagement very well.

I GET IT. And I told Andy many times that I get it. When you’re in a relationship and you’re happy and you want to get married, seeing other people get engaged suuuuuuuuucks. Especially when they’ve been together 4 more years than us. (Granted we’re older and we actually want babies so we’re on a time limit, they don’t want babies. BUT STILL).

We used to small talk almost on the daily on multiple forms of social media. Then once the engagement happened we got a “congrats.” and she stopped talking to me. Months later, we invited them down to hang out (after she told us before that she wanted to come see my place) and she bailed. I left Andy alone with his brother to hang out and they talked. Apparently she’s been really talking about marriage and his brother just doesn’t think it’s the right time with everything going on (she is depressed over her father’s passing and has been struggling A LOT with this) but when the time is right.

I think it was a few weeks later, we saw her at his mother’s. She didn’t say anything and she was pretty distant. Once his mom brought up wedding talk, she completely shut down and threw all of her attention on her phone.

There was some gossipy shit going on a few weeks ago. The brother and gf went on a vacation. Andy’s ex told Andy that the gf was expecting brother to propose so Andy kind of told his brother just to give him a heads up because he knew his brother did not have those plans. Come to find out- Andy’s ex was wrong. The GF was planning on proposing to him and now that the brother knew this was going on- it didn’t happen so gf was pissed at Andy. (Pissed at Andy but not his ex who opened her big mouth).

Fast forward to this past weekend. We went to their apartment to get something done for Christmas. Andy took that opportunity to ask his brother to be his groomsman. He said of course. She immediately said, “I won’t be able to make it.”

… it’s in two years. So Andy said, “That’s why we’re giving an almost two year notice”

“I can’t take off work” (Yes.. you can. You work in a day care.)

Then Andy’s brother said, “You could take off, you get vacation time”

“And I’m not wasting it all in Montana”

Okay then. So we explained that we don’t expect them to spend the entire week there. They can come the day before, leave the day after if they want.

“Why did you even pick Montana”

Then she asked me what colors I decided on. I told her. “You’re getting married in Spring… those are fall colors”

Eventually I just changed the subject.

I get it. She’s upset but don’t shit all over my plans and my wedding because you’re not engaged. I did my time. I dated the losers. I watched all of my friends get engaged and married before me. I spent nights crying and time wondering if this would ever happen for me- and it has and I’m happy. I’m in a healthy relationship. We’re both in very good places. We just make each other so much better… and it’s our time.

Even when people did get engaged before me and I was disappointed- I never acted like this and it’s a bummer to feel like I have to watch conversations when around her. His family is so excited about this but I almost feel bad talking any wedding talk around them when she’s there. Granted now with COVID- we don’t see each other a lot. But still. I’m a little sad about it. I guess I don’t expect her to be happy for me but it would be nice to have her more involved in stuff. She will be my sister in law some day.

(She did ask me when there, when the boys were busy if we could take Andy’s brother for a few hours some weekend and keep him busy because she wanted to set up a surprise for him. I’m wondering if she’s going to try to propose…)

I think Andy… broke his arm? Nah. I don’t think he broke it but he sure did injure it.

Our weekend plans were:
Friday, Christmas date night and that happened. We baked cookies. We drank adult hot cocoa (which was the best hot cocoa I ever had in my life)

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(I don’t love it and want more to add)

Saturday morning we were supposed to finish up the outside lights then go to his brother’s. Andy slept in then came out to game. I was kinda like HEY UHH SO THESE LIGHTS and I think he was annoyed because they were difficult and he didn’t want to do them. After he was finished, he was walking back from the garage and his ankle just rolled for no reason and he dropped. He put his arm out to catch himself but hurt his arm. We ended up not going to his brothers because he was hopping around because his ankle hurt too. We didn’t do much else. I nursed him and… we watched a few shows and ordered food.

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My cute little new snowman.

Sunday, I tried to put up lights around my window. Come to find out they were warm lights and everything else is cool so they don’t match. Waste of time. His ankle was feeling better so we went to his brother’s. We were there like an hourish. We got home and I put up some window cling snow flakes.

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Don’t match.

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So. We have a light up wreath on the door. It needs to be moved down.
We have blue icicles on the house.
I just ordered white lights that match for around the windows (the big one and then the small kitchen one that has the light hanging that should have been closed).

Then we’re done with lights for the year. We can’t put them on until this weekend, per Andy. Not until after Thanksgiving. Lol.

Oh! I got more wood flowers to dye and I think those went better this time. Waiting for them to dry to determine but I like them. I’ll post pics later.

Andy has a dr appointment today for his arm. It feels a little better but he can’t extend it. His ankle is fine.

And I think that’s it.
Short week and for THAT- I’m thankful. I need a break. I need time off to clean my house. It’s a disaster after this weekend.

But I still have orders to get done for the guys and four girls coming in to interview today so I need to run!

The Rocky Mountain November 23, 2020

Sounds like the root of her issues don’t involve you, she’s just using the wedding stuff as a vessel. She sounds like she’s got a lot of stuff internally to work on.

Empire of Lights The Rocky Mountain ⋅ November 23, 2020

Right. And that's why I deleted this the right time I wrote it because I KNOW it's beyond just me getting engaged. She does have a lot of things going on that she needs to work on but her attitude towards me on Sunday made me sad. And I told Andy (and his brother even said) that she needs to get these things worked out before getting engaged because it's not a band aid that will make everything better. Her focus should be on getting better rather than getting engaged.

permanent daylight November 23, 2020

You really did a good job not taking that personally, I would have been so annoyed with that conversation about the wedding!

sedentary November 23, 2020

I do get where she's coming from, cause like you - I spent a lot of time with losers thinking marriage wasn't in the cards for me and I might have even been distant at times when people were happier than I was but I would never pick apart someone else's plans.
You can be miserably all you want but it's another level to try and pull people down.
It's nice of you to be sensitive to her and not gush about your wedding when she's around but sometimes it will need to be talked about and you deserve to gush. Your wedding is Your wedding - if you wanted a Halloween theme in Feb that's up to you. YOUR wedding.
And I don't find anything wrong with a woman proposing but when you know the guy isn't into it you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

toddslife November 23, 2020

nice photos

SilentEcho November 23, 2020

It's hard being on the end she's on, you've been there when your niece announced her pregnancy or whatever so you can relate, and yes it's your time. Even without wanting kids she is entitled her feelings, she's put in the time with her man tbh she's lucky he's even entertaining the idea of marriage since he wasn't there before. But I guess she doesn't know he's been thinking. Someone needs to tell him that NOW IS THE TIME, it could be the bright spot during a shit storm time of her life.

I think you're handling it well.

I hope he's not broken.

Where did you get your clings?? I had thought about doing that to our windows and changed my mind because we have those white line things on our windows. But I think I want to do it anyway. It was that or paint gnomes lol but I don't want that clean up :)

Catleesi November 24, 2020

I agree that she's entitled to her feelings but she shouldn't be mean to you because of them. There's better ways to act than hating on you and your wedding. When you weren't engaged you never put down your friends weddings. I hope she figures things out and is in a better place mentally soon.

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