Pushing Forward in Under The Moonlight

  • Nov. 19, 2020, 12:32 p.m.
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  • Public

Well, Macy’s called me with a job offer. It’s a seasonal gig but the manager that interviewed me REALLY seemed to like me and made it pretty clear that as long as I show up every day, he’d make sure I stay on after the holidays if I want to.

So yay. Back to fucking retail. I’m going in Saturday to do some paperwork.

I’m over it man. I’m almost 40 years old and still trying to pick up a freaking retail job in the mall. How has it come to this? I’m better than this, I know it. Call it ego, call it arrogance, but I believe with all of me that I wasn’t meant for this kind of shit.

It’s my own fault though. So many years of just shambling through life with absolutely no drive for self-improvement. It’s nobody’s fault but my own that I never did more with life - I never tried. I’ve been content to accept the bottom of the barrel. And yet, when I inevitably become stressed and angry with my situation, I always feel like such a victim.

Can’t be a victim if you’re the one putting yourself in these situations, bud. I did this to myself and it’s time to truly start owning up to that.

So I’m going to accept this job. I need some income flowing, after all. But I’m going to keep looking for jobs. Jobs that I would like, jobs that seem interesting and stable. Jobs that would give me a better life and more financial comfort than goddamned Macy’s.

I slay at interviews. If I can JUST get someone at a nice job to talk to me, I’ll make it in. I’m intelligent. I’m charismatic when I wanna be. I’m easy to talk to. And I damn well know that I’m a good employee that is capable of more than spending my life asking people, “credit or debit?”

So I’m going to keep throwing myself out there until something works out for me. It’s never too late to start over. That’s been my theme for the last few weeks now. I can’t let all these years of being idle keep me from chasing after the things that I want today.

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