Okay, so.. Since last I wrote a lot has changed. The sun is mostly gone both metaphorically and factually. It’s raining heavy where ever I look. I’m more in tears than I would like to admit. So for now I got to try and focus as much as I can.
OCD, autism, hallucinating and germaphobia all in one very unlucky 12 years old girl. She is family, that’s all you need to know.
At 2am we get all a call. It’s the girls mother. She can’t handle it anymore. She is crying her eyes out and says she can’t go on. She has nothing left. We pack our shit in a hurry and drive for her house. As we arrive we see that the kitchen light is on, as we enter the house we hear scrubbing and quiet talking from Emily (fake daughter name). Wednesday night she went to the bathroom at 10pm, she finished up at 2am, and continued to wash her hands until 4am, then she had to go to the bathroom again. This happens a lot.
Her obsessions with washing her hands and long trips to the bathroom is self harming and is disrupting the entire household to the point it is literally driving them to anger, despair, crying and isolation. She does not understand that she has a problem, even though she is no longer attending school because of her illness, not that she isn’t supposed to go school; she is! But she can never get ready for school in time. By the time she has gone to the bathroom, washed her hands, corrected things around the house to her liking (moving the same object over and over until it feels right for her) the school day is over; and she still hasn’t eaten anything. She has time for ONE meal pr day.
I could go on and on, I still haven’t listed close to half of the shit that’s going on with her, but the family needs our help, and I end up spending most of my waking hours on it. But on top of that we all have issues on our own, so does your spouse. We tend to care, listen and think what is best for others, but my patience and understanding is running on empty. We are all stretched thinner than ever before. I need strength but I have none left. Or so I thought. Where do you turn when doctors fail to listen, psychologists refuse to act, yourself and her parents are at a loss of options and ideas. You turn to what you love fucking love, and I love fucking love art.
So todays gratitude goes to artist around the world. Working harder than most people care to recognize to create a blanket of comfort for us to rest and recuperate in. A small piece of the world that is still safe, if you know what you’re looking for.
Appreciate what you have.