• Sept. 15, 2020, 1:59 p.m.
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  • Public


CW: Mental health, pet death

  • Last week I shit the bed at work. Just. Could not motivate myself to do my job.

  • I also ran out of my ADHD meds and have yet to even attempt to get them refilled, which certainly isn’t helping with focus.

  • The smoke is breaking me. I’m barely moving. I feel depression coming on and it’s making me even more nervous about the winter, since I think a lot of it is tied to not seeing the sun.

  • One of my guinea pigs died on Sunday.

  • Mostly I’m concerned about the remaining pig, but she seems okay. She’s getting extra attention and watermelon. I contacted the rescue I got her from, asking for advice; is it better for an old-as-dirt pig to go back to the rescue and have to deal with new pigs when she’s only known one her whole life? Or should I let her stay here and try to make up for her loneliness with extra human contact?

  • They haven’t responded.

  • I’m tired. I’m just… so tired. And sleeping a lot and losing my extra morning time as a result, which just makes me more lethargic, which makes me sleep more, which… yeah.

But here’s some good stuff:

  • I told my coworkers I shit the bed last week. They were wonderfully understanding and kind. (And they don’t even know I lost a pet!)

  • I booked an AirBnB for early October. I’ll be alone in a house, surrounded by parks and water and trails and I think it will help me.

  • LP was very kind and supportive during Pig Loss. As soon as I discovered her, he went outside to find a place to bury her. I’m glad he was here.

  • Still doing okay with my drinking, although I can do better. I’m still worlds away from where I was 6 months ago, and I’m trying to remember that I’ve gotten better in many, many ways the last 2-3 months.

  • I may be sleeping too much, but I’m SLEEPING goddammit, and that’s so much better than the alternative.

  • I’m doing better at work today.

  • I just realized… I should contact Bombshell and ask to talk. She’s got the kind of emotional intelligence and empathy I need right now and will be happy to help.

  • I know I don’t have to do this alone.

  • Seriously, I don’t have to do everything alone. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ALONE, JESS.

Also, FEEL FREE TO HIT ME WITH MORE AMA QUESTIONS. I don’t get to film it till the first week of October, so there’s plenty of time for submissions. (Later I’ll compile the list of already-asked questions if y’all need some INSPO.)

Alright, that’s all folks. LOVE YA.

Last updated September 15, 2020

Yours For Now... September 15, 2020

Sorry to hear about your piggy.
I’m super worried about fall/winter. I normally have some minor bouts with SAD (totally self diagnosed though so, yanno) and surround myself with Stuff To Do but this year there is...nothing. I’m gonna have to really lean into early mornings alone or something. But the cold...agh. Anyway. All this to say, I feel ya on the sunshine.

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ September 15, 2020

Have you tried a SAD lamp, and if so, did it help? I bought one already in preparation but haven't used it. Hoping like hell it does SOMETHING for the winter blues.

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ September 15, 2020

No, I keep hearing about it but I am not convinced that a lamp (even one designed specifically to mimic the sun) can really alter my mood when I can see that it is black outside at 6pm...
Oh, hey, I’m a pessimist.

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ September 15, 2020

Haha, fair enough. But there is growing clinical data that shows it can be effective. Brains are a lot more easily tricked than you might think!

girl in recession September 15, 2020

all the hugs to you i am sorry to hear about your guinea pig :( and the fucking smoke. ugh i hope it clears soon. i'm glad youre sleeping. i think 2020 needs a nap.

synapse September 15, 2020

RIP piggy :(

I don't have SAD but some of the lights were recommended for insomnia. Way better than waking up to a noise IMHO.

rhizome September 15, 2020

<3 pig <3

i kept trying to find turnip cagemates that were her age, which means they were old, and they died really soon after i got them. i gave up and just let her live out the rest of her life alone, giving her extra pets and attention. i'm not sure if she was lonely, but she did seem content.

personally, i think the idea of taking pig out of her environment AND introducing her to new pigs sounds like... a lot. i would keep her at home, myself, but maybe the shelter has better advice.

dead pig probably walked the rainbow bridge at the same time turnip did. that thought is comforting to me. <3

Gangleri September 15, 2020

The loss of a pet always sucks. Stupid pets. :(

Jigger September 16, 2020

Aw, little old whinny-pig. I’m glad she got to get so old. And maybe the remaining one can be content in the silence, with her mountain of unshared watermelon.

rhizome September 16, 2020

p.s. i realize you prob meant "shit the bed" figuratively, but it took me a few seconds to piece it together, and i think that confusion led to me having a dream last night about literally shitting the bed in front of my old safety manager. it was so unbelievably detailed and disgusting, and i blame you 100%

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