Better in A restart

  • Sept. 8, 2020, 11:55 p.m.
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  • Public

Is it wrong to write about how, with everything going on in the world and yet to come this year, I feel like I’m doing better than I have in a few years now?

I don’t think it is, I mean - this is a journal and I can write about whatever. I suppose it’s just a way to say, I’m not minimizing everything happening out there but in here I’m doing pretty well.

New living situation is great as I have mentioned before. I’m doing well at work, which is great. I think working from home has actually started working in my favor. Mental health, my level of stress and anxiety is almost none. Spiritual health, doing better all the time over the last month or two. Physical health, better as well. I’m in good shape, eating well and cooking at home almost every night, and the gym next door is open so I’m going there daily.

I know everyone’s situation is not this way, but a lot of people seem to be just stress eating and watching Netflix and scrolling social media, which is not a recipe for happiness. One thing I have learned the hard way in life is that there are ways for me to handle bad times well, and often I have not done all I could have done to help myself.

My cat knocked a coaster off my desk, and it put a big ding in a guitar I just got a week ago. ARGH it was not cheap and it’s a good thing he’s my pal. In his snarky, troublemaking, nice when he wants to be, sort of way.

I wonder, when the pandemic is over if it isn’t winding down already, what people will think they learned about themselves through all of this. I think for me, things got bad enough (especially with the violence and rioting here) that I decided I was not willing to be a victim of it any longer and we got out. I guess reaching a breaking point with a person or place or thing that causes you to rise up and fight back is a good thing.

It was sort of… I guess the riots were the moment you realize it’s an abusive relationship. You decide you’dve had enough and all of a sudden the past is made clear. The thousand times before that you were accosted by an aggressive panhandler in the street or heard about a carjacking on your block, as you watch in little ways the city go downhill over time, or even little things like hundreds of examples of when people were snobby with you in the street or you overheard a conversation in a restaurant that shredded you and people like you, where you realize that… really… apart from it becoming a lot more dangerous, a lot of people here can be very toxic and hateful.

I know that most of the world has lost the ability to think beyond current events and politics and all of that. Politics function as a religion for a lot of people today and they can’t see the world outside of that lens. It just seems like there used to be lot more people 10 years ago who could think beyond it. Or, the possibility that someone had different opinions than you didn’t make them an unperson. Or, like when I was growing up, if your family went to church or didn’t, or what church they went to didn’t make a difference in how you thought about them or treated them.

I remember on the playground, kids would declare which party they belonged to. In 3rd or 4th grade, with all the conviction and belief that you’d use to declare whether you liked Ford better or Chevrolet. In both cases you were probably just saying what your family was, and it didn’t matter anyway. We wouldn’t have unfriended each other back then. But life was once about more than obsessing over how you (think you) appear to others on social media.


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