I'm a filthy whore. in The Real Pretend Mulling

  • Sept. 1, 2020, 8:32 p.m.
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  • Public

I’m not saying that because I finally got laid.

I’m not saying that because I am writing this entry naked. Although, I am. But mainly because I’m trying to cool off from 70 minutes of Just Dance 4. So I guess that makes me a sweaty whore, at least.

Actually, that game is part of my whorishness. Friends, foes, and other denizens of the Box of Prose, I have a confession to make:

I’m a hypocrite. I am a hypocrite, and Just Dance 4 reminds me of it every time I play. Why? This song:

I’ve spent the last nine years loudly, proudly, declaring my hatred for this song, especially that line, “You don’t know, oh-oh, you don’t know you’re beautiful/That’s what makes you beautiful!”

FUCK THAT NOISE. Like Lizzo said last year “Don’t say it, cuz I know I’m cute!” Or, as Bruno Mars put it, “I gotta kiss myself, I’m so pretty.” I am a nearly 32-year-old woman, and god damn it, I don’t need validation on my looks from a bunch of guys I could have babysat in high school! That is NOT FEMINIST.

But the truth is… I actually, really, really like that song.

I confess. I’ve sung along with it for nine years (in my car, with the windows rolled up, and my A/C running full blast, just in case). When I first bought my Wii and Just Dance 4, that was the first song I played. Well, after “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga, because it seriously took four games before Ubisoft thought to include its namesake?! And today, I unlocked the extreme version. And, of course, my whore ass played it.

For whatever it’s worth, I only got one star. And none of the gold moves.

When I get good enough to add singing to the game, you know this is gonna be the first one I try.

I’m off to put on some clothes and play Super Mario Bros, which I just got today.

I’m a filthy, sweaty, hypocritcal whore, and let this waste of words stand as testament to this fact.

Last updated September 01, 2020

leftwingheartbreak September 01, 2020

ugh, I've played Super Mario on more days in the last month than I spent getting laid. not fair.

Starhawk September 01, 2020

Hail to the filthy whores. May thine jiggles forever be sweaty.

The Thirsty Oriental September 01, 2020


Park Row Fallout September 02, 2020

:) I miss dancing. I used to do a lot more often about 16 years ago. And go on and get your dance on :D

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