When a question is so good, it makes its own entry. in Surveys, Challenges, and Other Crap

  • Sept. 1, 2020, 2:52 p.m.
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  • Public

From r/AskReddit: Jeff Bezos leaves you his fortune of $204.6 billion. What do you do with the money?
1. IMMEDIATELY pay all of the taxes the Bald One has so astutely avoided paying for years.

2. Pay all Amazon workers $25 an hour and give them a full benefits package, including health insurance, paid time off, fully-paid maternity and paternity leave for three years each, and employee’s (informed) choice between a 401(k) or an IRA.

3. Contact every single Amazon worker, present and former, who filed a worker’s compensation claim and give them $100,000 a year for the rest of their lives, no questions asked and no strings attached.

4. Donate billions to research and technology to reverse global warming (since Amazon is a major polluter), as well as to environmental protection groups.

5. Buy out Sallie Mae, forgive all the student loans they service, and then dismantle the company, while paying for soon-to-be former Sallie Mae employees to further their education and train for other jobs.

6. Set up the [Pretend Mulling] Fund To End Lunch Debt, Which Should Never Have Existed In The First Place, Come The Fuck On, for all school districts in the United States to use instead of humiliating kids with a cheese sandwich or not feeding them at all (seriously, Americans, why? Why did we ever let “lunch debt” decide if we feed a hungry kid at school? That is child abuse, fight me if you must, but I’m right and you know it.)

7. Set up a scholarship fund for all students, regardless; like, “Hey, you going to college? You need some money? Here you go, full ride to any college in this country, plus enough to pay for your books, parking passes, lab fees, whatever bullshit the college decides to charge you for, and enough to pay for three genuinely nutritious meals a day, seven days a week, plus any medical expenses. All you have to do is go at least part-time and re-submit your application every year, when you fill out your FAFSA. Go wild.”

8. Buy out Tesla, take care of their employees the way I did Amazon’s, and install light rail systems throughout the country, while training people on how to operate and maintain them, and subsidizing the cost of passes for every single customer.

9. Take care of myself and my own, personal debts, but that’s pretty low on my priority list, especially when I’m mainly thinking of ways to try and undo the harm Amazon and Bezos have done, overall.

And honestly, with this list, I don’t think I’ve even theoretically spent a quarter of his fortune. That’s how mind-meltingly rich this fuckhole Bezos is: There is literally no way to spend all of that money. And he didn’t work a day in his life for it; he just made it by buying up all the competition and turning Amazon into a retail mega-monolith.


Camdengirl September 01, 2020

Oh great choices here!

I'll play along:
I'd make the Princes Trust model of business funding universal - if you have an idea, the willingness to explain it and cost it properly, take the leap setting it up, you should have a soft loan to pay back and it shouldn't count against you that you tried to create a business and invent jobs. I count myself as incredibly lucky that I got help, but I only got it because I was the right age. I don't see why anyone should be able to.

Education from birth to death. If you need childcare or education, you should get it - it pays back five fold, not just in terms of extra taxes on money you earn in future but also harm reduction. Everyone who has had to pay it, gets that paid off or paid back.

And yeah, free school meals, free school uniform and laundry rooms too.

I'd give councils enough cash to build fantastic family homes, which people want to live in and which they can charge commercial rents (when people can afford it).

I haven't spent that much money yet, a lot of these are kinda self funding...

Pretend Mulling Camdengirl ⋅ September 01, 2020

I love all of these!

leftwingheartbreak September 01, 2020

the amount of money that man has is absolutely ridiculous. I hate buying things on Amazon, if it's my only option, and lining his pockets even more.

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