Not Great in Staying Connected

  • Aug. 28, 2020, 12:22 a.m.
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  • Public

14 clients down, 14 more to go.

I still feel like hell. I’m exhausted. My baby has been waking up at the ass crack of dawn, crying. I think she’s having bad dreams. She’s also still being clingy in a way she never used to be. She cried when I dropped her off with her grandma and grandpa this morning. She also cried when my husband put her in the bath. It’s like she wants to be attached to me constantly.

In this moment, with my head cold, my clingy baby, and the lack of sleep that’s only exacerbated by a baby with bad dreams… I’m really having to fight with myself to not feel regret over this stupid lake house trip. I hate to feel regret. It’s such a useless feeling. Not to mention, I feel like a bitch for not being “grateful to spend time with my family.” So this whole situation? Not my favorite.

Last time we visited Washington my baby came home with a phobia of the bath. And now bad dreams? Like, seriously. WTF?

Also, I just want to mention briefly that I’ve recently been feeling something—guilt, maybe?—about the fact that I don’t have a stronger desire to nurture my friendships. Like, I literally feel like I could never see any of my friends again, and that would be fine. I don’t think this is normal. I feel like something is wrong with me. Any insight on this is welcome.

Anyway. It’s past my bedtime and I’m miserable from everything I just mentioned. Hope your worlds are treating you better than mine.

Goodnight.


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