Has anyone ever told you they needed space?
Mark did, early on in our relationship.
Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse?
If by “zombie” you mean “MAGA/Trumpet”, then yes, I absolutely do.
What color is your hair brush and how long have you had it?
I have about five hair brushes. Not for any real reason, like they do something specific to my hair, but because I constantly forget where I put them and buy another one out of frustration.
When was the last time you had Manwich?
Years and years ago. My sperm donor used to make sloppy joes with it, because it’s about the only thing he can cook, besides eggs and ramen.
Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years?
I’m a work in progress.
Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other?
Do you get offended really easily?
I’m in a weird area where very little offends me, personally, but I do get mad at things that I can clearly see are offensive.
Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger?
Yes, once. I don’t recommend it. I think I may have broken a few bones.
Is there anyone out there you’d like to attack right now?
Not personally, but I’d very much like it if Twitter were the target of a series of extended DDoS attacks. Then maybe people would see that the world wouldn’t end if Twitter didn’t tell them what to be outraged by and finally stop taking it so fucking seriously.
Ever been turned down in a really mean way?
Is there anyone out there who says they love you daily?
Are you really ticklish?
Yes, so please don’t.
When was the last time you fell down?
I don’t recall, actually.
Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots?
Never have, never will.
Are you someone who only wears brand names?
Unless it’s perfume, no. Bee tee dubs, I finally ordered more: A bottle of Black Opium by Yves St. Laurent and a bottle of Poison by Dior. I never did get a chance to smell Poison, but the website I bought it from, FragranceX, has a good return policy, so if it turns out I don’t like it, I can return it for a full refund.
Do you have an accent? Do people confuse what you say sometimes?
I’ve been told that I either have a Midwestern accent or an upstate New York accent. Only one person has ever pegged me as being from NE Ohio on accent alone, because he was from the same area. Anyway, I don’t think anyone’s confused what I’ve said a few times, unless it’s certain New England slang, like deadass. I’ve had to tell people in the Midwest, who use “deadass” as an insult, that it means “seriously” in New English. As in, “I needed some coffee and drove all over southeastern Vermont, but there are deadass zero Starbucks in this state.”
Would you rather take a bath or a shower?
I take baths for relaxation and showers for actual washing. In a perfect world, and maybe in my new apartment, I will have a detachable shower head for those ~hard to reach~ parts.
Do you know anyone who can sing screamo music?
Have you ever owned one of those slip-n-slides?
Not yet, but someday.
How many people live in the same house with you?
Me, Myself, and I.
Where is your favorite place to shop in the mall?
Oof, I haven’t been to a mall in forever. The last time, I was picking up my niece’s birthday order from Lush. Which might actually be my favorite place in that mall, in particular.
What is the color of the walls in your bedroom?
When was the last time you had a stomach ache?
This morning, when I ate an entire Trader Joe’s kunefe for breakfast. I brought it on myself; I know I’m lactose intolerant.
At what age were you when you lost your virginity?
19, just about to turn 20.
Have you ever been to camp?
Yes: I went to a few Assemblies of God sleepaway camps as a kid, and then a horse camp when I was 13. I very thoroughly enjoyed horse camp; AoG camps, not so much.
Are you someone who will eat ranch dressing with anything?
I like ranch, but there’s a small amount of foods I’ll eat it with. Like baby carrots, because I don’t like baby carrots and ranch helps them go down. Or, if I have chicken nuggets, I will sometimes dip them in buffalo sauce and ranch.
Do you have any hickeys?
Not at the moment.
Animated character that was your gay awakening?
Poison Ivy. She was hawt.
Grilled cheese or PB&J?
What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on?
Usually something by Wisecrack or, lately, illuminaughti. I love her videos on MLMs.
Your go-to bar order, if you drink?
I haven’t been to a bar in forever, but usually something like vodka-tonic or vodka-cranberry. Something with vodka.
What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own?
My Brooks Ghost 12s.
What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)?
Depending on who you ask, it was either “cookie” or “no”.
What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had?
Um… Would you guys be more surprised to know that I briefly worked at an Amazon warehouse, or that I used to be the pager at a Walmart even more briefly?
Look up. What’s directly across from you?
A wall. And right next to it, the window.
Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general?
Preferred way to spend a rainy day?
Curled up in bed with coffee and a book. Or curled up in bed with my vibrator, imagining Malcolm Gladwell’s/Chris Evans’s/Janelle Monae’s face between my legs. Or watching all of my //coughtorrentedcough// episodes of Space Ghost Coast to Coast.
What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted?
Lox (aka smoked salmon), capers, a teeny-tiny lil’ slice of red onion (because I don’t actually like raw onion at all), and cream cheese. I like it on either a poppyseed bagel or a six cheese bagel.
Brunch or midnight snacks?
Brunch. My midnight snacking turns into a midnight buffet.
Fruity or herbal teas?
…Does this apply to Trader Joe’s mango black tea? Because if it does, fruity. That said, I like a nice cup of Throat Coat tea when I’m feeling less than great.
What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?
The Masked Singer.
That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying?
I really liked most of the books I had to read for class, with the exception of Lord of the Flies. I liked it more when I re-read it as an adult (and also, I must plug Beauty Queens by Libba Bray, which is a feminist re-telling of LOTF), but the constant over-analysis just ruined it for me in eighth grade. Truly, I think the way these books are taught is what kills kids’ love of reading, rather than the books themselves.
Do you match your socks?
Yes, because they’re all white. Also, yes, I wear white socks with my all-black wardrobe. I don’t know why, but I absolutely cannot wear black socks, or gray socks, or any color socks except white.
Have you ever been horseback riding?
I used to do it competitively. I paid for my lessons out of my own pocket, which is why I eventually had to give it up. Maybe I’ll take it up again when I’ve paid down more of my student loans (and lost about 30 lbs).
What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)
Goth, mixed with Horse Girl, Potterhead, and General Nerd.
Have you ever been to jail?
I’ve been arrested and been put in a holding cell, if that counts.
What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)?
I want one.
I do not have the patience for them.
You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it?
What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore?
Whichever one grabs my eye first.
What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?
How to write a story.
Where could someone find you in a museum?
Depends on what type of museum it is.
What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?
I have an amazing LBD that I think I last wore three years ago.
Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds?
How do you dress when you’re home alone?
I usually don’t get dressed when I’m home alone. I either stay in my pajamas or I throw on a pair of sweatpants.
Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)?
On the left side of the couch, in front of the TV.
Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie
Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online?
Somewhere between “explanation” and “no caption,” depending on the pic.
Name a classic Vine
Ryan Gosling Won’t Eat His Cereal.
What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store?
I don’t, unless I’m at Trader Joe’s. In which case, the Japanese-style fried rice, kung pao chicken, and all-beef meatballs.
How do you top your ice cream?
Hot fudge and peanuts. Or, if I’m at Dairy Queen, peanut butter sauce.
Do you like Jello?
How are you at climbing trees?
Not as good as I used to be, but I could definitely climb a tree if I had to.