Today has been horrific. The guy I like still hasn’t come online.. does it make it a week? I’m trying with every fibre of my body to convince myself that he hasn’t died, but what else can I do? It feels horrible. I feel like throwing up every part of my body and cutting myself to no end. He’s gone and I can’t go back. I was such a fucking idiot to go to bed. I should’ve stayed up 20 minutes longer, then we could’ve spoken longer. I’m so fucking useless.
I hated breathing today. I broke down in tears from my stomach pains and the pain of not being able to talk to him. People keep telling me that it’s okay but what if he isn’t? How could I just sit there and enjoy my life whilst he’s dead?
My heart is in chaos, and I’m spent just fiddling away to check for message notifications every five minutes. I hate it.