4 months post op in Pudendal Decompression Surgery

Things to be greatful for today
-Was able to do 10-15 mins walking today
-Had several good hours today
-On my period which makes the pain less intense than normal.
-Digestive issues remained in the background
-Ate pretty well today
-Nice weather today
-Didn’t take my valium last night and the pain was definitely more of stinging in nature but it wasn’t as intense at it could have been.

Bad things
-The stinging pain was the worst thing about the day overall.
-Behind the leg pain was horrendous at times.
-Had a bladder spasm this morning but was able to get out of it.
- I know the pain is only not as bad because I didn’t have a BM.
- I have these constant feelings of when is the other shoe going to drop and the pain going to get worse.
-Constantly worried that I am going to do some sort of activity that is going to impinge on my progress.

Things that have changed since pre-op
-Bladder spasms aren’t lasting quite as long.
-The anxiety isn’t as bad as it was pre op.
-Eating smaller through out the day seems to help more so than it did pre op.
-The pain presents in a few different ways now instead of only stabbing and stinging.
-I have completely eliminated sitting from my life.
-I am noticing some new sensations in spots that are still sort of numb.
-I am able to go for walks without it hurting terribly.
-Back of leg pain is worse than pre op.
-I go more days in a row that are overall “good”
- I am able to identify nerve pain vs ligament pain vs muscle pain vs organ pain better.
- I am happy to be back at the facility I was at before for pelvic PT, despite me having same results.
-I have realized 100% that this pain revolves around going to the bathroom over all else.
-Days where I have genital allodynia have decreased overall, probably since I stopped wearing underwear and adjusted my whole wardrobe to dresses only.
-I feel like I could maybe go out in public once to do something on a decent day.
-The depression has gotten much worse over all due to a variety of factors.

The changes are really miniscule and I feel like I should be a lot farther along by now. Rationally I know it could take up to 2 years to heal BUT much of the pain has remained the exact same. If anything MAYBE i am heading towards what it was like pre op but no improvement. No video today guys, sorry. I am just not motivated.