Funnies in Shared Moments

  • July 31, 2020, 6:59 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

Some of these are silly but many are quite funny. :)

-Scientists say the Universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons - they forgot to mention morons.

-My wife says I have only have two faults - I don’t listen and something else!

-At my funeral, take the flowers off my coffin and throw them into the crowd to see who is next.

-I’m going to stop asking “How dumb can you get?” People seem to be taking it as a challenge.

-I may be wrong but I doubt it.

-I thought growing older would take longer.

-To me, “Drink Responsibly” means don’t spill it!

-If you are happy and you know it, thank your Meds. [V

-Of course size matters, no one wants a small glass of wine.

-Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them.

-Jesus loves you but I’m his favorite.

-I have sexdaily, I mean dyslexia.

-A little grey hair is a small price to pay for all this wisdom.

-Does running late count as exercise?

-If I say I will do it, I will do it! No need to remind me every six months!

-Today I was a hero! I rescued some beer trapped in a bottle.

-No, I don’t need anger management! You need to stop PISSING me off!

-Don’t judge me by my relatives!

-When I was a kid, I wanted to be older . . . this crap is not what I expected.

-The best thing about the good old days was that I wasn’t good and I wasn’t old.

-Science doesn’t care what you believe.

-The secret of enjoying a good wine…open the bottle to allow it to breathe; and if it does not look like it is breathing, give it mouth to mouth.

I’m so busy I don’t know whether I found a rope or lost my horse.

I have stopped LISTENING so why are you still TALKING?

My relationship with WHISKEY is on the rocks.

You are about to exceed the limits of my medication.

4 out of 3 people struggle with math.

Patience is a virtue, it’s just not one of my virtues!

Pubs - the official sunblock of Ireland.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, let me do it.

Twinkle twinkle little star, point me to the nearest bar.

Please be patient - even a toilet can only handle one asshole at a time.

The older I get the more everyone can kiss my ass.

Does running from my responsibilities count as cardio?

Retired - under new management. See spouse for details.

My body is a temple - ancient and crumbling; probably cursed or haunted.

besideherself July 31, 2020

I'm one of those 4 out of 3 people that struggles with math. haha so now do you mind if I ask you a question that's off topic? If you knew someone was always reading your stuff but never commenting would you find that rude? What about those who never respond to you on Facebook?

J🌞DI besideherself ⋅ July 31, 2020

Rarely commenting thing isn't rude but never commenting is. Since I can't imagine anyone being that shy, I would wonder if they had ill intentions if they were always silent.

Yes! It annoys the hell out of me when someone I'm connected to on Facebook never messages, comments or reacts to anything of mine. What's the point of being friends there then? I don't expect to hear from people all the time, but every few months or so would be nice.

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