Dumb but Lucky in Shared Moments

  • July 12, 2020, 10:38 a.m.
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  • Public

Yesterday my lymph nodes were barely noticeable but by the time I was getting settled in bed, once again they became swollen and tender, especially in my neck.

So I read around some more, and yes, there are some things that can trigger it and one of those things is sugar. I treat myself on weekends and ironically enough, this happened shortly after having ice cream.

Also, here it goes again. Signs my metabolism is speeding up again. Bra’s looser, stomach’s flatter, jumped only half a pound after a big meal… I’ve also been exercising more when I’m not too tired like I am today. Yeah, this is the third fucking day I’ve been tired since the 7th, the fourth since the 29th. Been keeping track on my calendar. It’s like every few days I’m dragging, and I’m getting sick of it. Better than anxiety and when my lymph nodes hurt but still… Can I just have a fucking break for more than a week - a month if I’m lucky - without the fatigue and health issues?!

Last pill cut was 3.5 weeks ago and I’m guessing that the two cuts bumped my TSH up to about 16. So with that being half of the 32 that I started with, maybe that’s all it takes to get back into the single digits, and maybe that affects my weight.

Decided to quit Camp NaNo. I just don’t have the imagination and inspiration I used to when it comes to creative writing. Still love to read other people’s books, though, and I’m on my fortieth one this year. I was keeping shelves on Goodreads and shelving them by the years I read them, but I think I’ll do away with shelves and mark them as read after I’ve read them or decide I don’t like them. The point is to have a list of titles of everything I’ve either read or tried. It doesn’t have to be in any particular order.

Loving my Narciso Rodriguez perfume sample. I’ve heard people describe others as smelling of cheap perfume or expensive perfume and would wonder how they could tell this. Now I know. It smells awesome! But at around a hundred bucks a bottle, I’ll pass.

I was looking at the population statistics since the 50s and how the fertility rate has gone way down while the median age has gone way up, thus driving the population up. Thank God so many women don’t want kids these days! I hate to think of what the population would be like if they did!

Saw a movie based on the true story of a kidnap victim. I realized after remembering something incredibly stupid I did when I was around 13, just how truly lucky I was being that I was so stupid, naive, trusting and basically with the mentality and intellect of an 8-year-old if even that. Furthermore, I had yet to develop any strength and could have been overpowered easily.

Jenny, a childhood friend who dumped me in my early 20s for having too many problems for her to handle, got me into both cigarettes and pot. One summer when we were at our summer cottage at the beach, I was dumb enough to wander to the next beach over which wasn’t a private beach like ours. It was a public beach full of young people and I would randomly approach whoever and ask them if they had any pot on them. Even snorted a line of coke once, too.

Anyway, one guy said he did, but he wanted to sit in his car and smoke it. It was illegal after all. So I stupidly and bravely got in his car and we got high. He drove up the street where the main entrance to the beaches was and fewer people. Then he says he wants me to give him something in return and as dumb and naive as I was back then, I knew immediately what that something was. I demanded he drive me back and he did. Seeing these movies makes me realize just how damn dumb but lucky I was despite the stranger danger warnings in and out of school I’d received. I don’t even remember being scared either. Just totally offended and like how dare he ask that of me! Makes me wonder, though…did whoever this guy was continue to take no for an answer in the future? Or did some unfortunate naive kid like me end up dead in his basement or something?

Had a dream the Dahl blasted off with the saw and I said, “Okay, this is way too much. I’m going over there. Every few days is too much even for the time we have left here.”

Surprisingly, our house looked like this house (unusual in my dreams) except for the placement of the bedroom closet.

We’d just gotten up and were getting dressed. Tom said he’d get dressed and go with me. I agreed that would be better and then said something about hoping I didn’t look drunk because my eyes were red from lack of sleep.

“You’re gonna kill someone then,” he said, and I said, “No I won’t. I just want to find out what’s going on and for it to stop or at least lessen.”

Well, unless he heard something I didn’t, the rude asshole probably wasn’t noisy yesterday because I went into the bathroom and kitchen too many times not to have heard it if he did.

In real life, if one of us catches him at it while we’re outside, sure, we can ask what’s up. If not, I’d rather go with the late-night anonymous note.

The more we think about it, the more Inland is a better idea than coastal. Not just because there’s no land on the coast but because it’s not like we would go to the beach every day anyway. If we went less often it would keep it more special that way. I lived an hour and 10 minutes away from the beach in Massachusetts and only went a few times during the summers as an adult. Then, during the four months I lived in Connecticut, I was 10 minutes away yet never went. We would also be able to enjoy storms but be safer from serious damage, be less likely to lose power, and even less likely to be evacuated. Maybe we can make beach trips a monthly thing or something like that.

While we’re still here I wish I could always be on nights except for when I had an appointment and that it could always be summer. It’s the only time it’s peaceful.

I hope the noise levels in the tester house aren’t that bad because I don’t want to feel rushed when looking for a permanent place regardless of what state we settle on.
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Last updated July 12, 2020


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