So i got several negative comments about me thinking of having a baby. Instead of continuing to argue with people i simply blocked them. Normally I dont block people but all I have heard is 1 negative comment after another from these people for months. I use this diary to discuss my fears, worries and small accomplishments. I write my dreams on here. Yes I value constructive criticism. I appreciate when a person helps me by communicating experiences i may not know. I dont not value insulting and degrading to the part of putting me into tears. I deserve people who lift me up instead tear me down.
I honestly fear pregnancy, childbirth because i fear i may die. I am taking on this fear because I am the last fertile female in my family. At 33 my biological clock is ticking. I dont have much money but i want to have a beautiful child. I am not doing it for others but myself. I am willing to work hard or even have 2 jobs to care for a child.I have so much love to give. My mother said the best thing she ever did was have kids. I want to feel the love of raising a family.
I really enjoy and support local artists. At work i met a woman who makes designer face masks. She had to quit one of her jobs so she is selling these masks to help make ends meet. My work requires me to wear a mask because I work at Joanns during Covid-19. I bought a paint splatter mask from her that matches a pair of shoes I made. I am going pick it up after work. I really hope to support more artists soon.
Does anyone beside me have a strong interest in tiny house movement? I would much rather live in a tiny house i hand made then owe a house payment the rest of my life. I am interested in going off the grid but i believe in might not be allowed in West Virginia. I have been obsessively watching tv shows knowing i will never accomplish this dream. I am still learning about solar power and dream of a nice place on a farm or the woods.
I work 9-3 today. They are counting inventory at work. I hope everything will goes well. I enjoy working in a place where i see so many beautiful projects and people. My 1 year anniversary of working here should be soon. I need to go find breakfast get caffeine. I hope today will be a good day. I need peace.