almost deleted diary, baby dust,off grid living in ?

  • June 17, 2020, 6:33 a.m.
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  • Public

So i got several negative comments about me thinking of having a baby. Instead of continuing to argue with people i simply blocked them. Normally I dont block people but all I have heard is 1 negative comment after another from these people for months. I use this diary to discuss my fears, worries and small accomplishments. I write my dreams on here. Yes I value constructive criticism. I appreciate when a person helps me by communicating experiences i may not know. I dont not value insulting and degrading to the part of putting me into tears. I deserve people who lift me up instead tear me down.

I honestly fear pregnancy, childbirth because i fear i may die. I am taking on this fear because I am the last fertile female in my family. At 33 my biological clock is ticking. I dont have much money but i want to have a beautiful child. I am not doing it for others but myself. I am willing to work hard or even have 2 jobs to care for a child.I have so much love to give. My mother said the best thing she ever did was have kids. I want to feel the love of raising a family.

I really enjoy and support local artists. At work i met a woman who makes designer face masks. She had to quit one of her jobs so she is selling these masks to help make ends meet. My work requires me to wear a mask because I work at Joanns during Covid-19. I bought a paint splatter mask from her that matches a pair of shoes I made. I am going pick it up after work. I really hope to support more artists soon.

Does anyone beside me have a strong interest in tiny house movement? I would much rather live in a tiny house i hand made then owe a house payment the rest of my life. I am interested in going off the grid but i believe in might not be allowed in West Virginia. I have been obsessively watching tv shows knowing i will never accomplish this dream. I am still learning about solar power and dream of a nice place on a farm or the woods.

I work 9-3 today. They are counting inventory at work. I hope everything will goes well. I enjoy working in a place where i see so many beautiful projects and people. My 1 year anniversary of working here should be soon. I need to go find breakfast get caffeine. I hope today will be a good day. I need peace.

Lunchbox June 17, 2020

Having a child has honestly been one of the greatest things I have ever done. It's also an amazing struggle. When she was little we were extremely poor, it wasn't easy, but we somehow managed. You are the only person who can say whether or not you are ready for a baby. But I do believe you should make sure you are definitely ready for this.

Kristi1971 June 17, 2020

Hmm..I never knew going off the grid is not allowed. I just asked my husband if such a thing is not allowed (because I wondered if he knew), and he said it's allowed anywhere. I'm assuming you mean that you want to buy a small plot of land somewhere, build your own little house, and just not be hooked up to electricity, etc. You could always invest in a solar panel to take care of your electrical needs. Interesting to think about. I've always wanted solar panels to bring electricity into the house.

Foofah June 17, 2020

Great job at blocking the negative people! I had to do that recently as well. I always enjoy criticism, even if it's constructive, but being downright negative isn't necessary. We shouldn't judge people based on what they share on here, I mean I usually only write when I'm angry so if people judge me based on that they'll think I'm just a miserable person when in fact I'm quite happy, I just use my diary as an outlet for when I need to process my emotions.

I am going to be 34 soon and even though my Husband and I are trying to get pregnant, I'm so scared as well. It's a scary experience no matter what! I read an article several years ago that no one is ever financially ready to have a baby unless they have like half a million in savings. They said it took half a million to raise a child from birth to 18 and that was years ago. I have struggled with mental health issues and although my Husband has a decent salary and I'm returning to takes so much more than money to raise a chile.. I think you'll be an amazing Mother.

I love the idea of the tiny house movement but I'm not sure if I could do it. It would be less expensive for me to live in but I have so much crap and my Husband is a hoarder of computer we'd almost need a second tiny house just for our stuff, lol.

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