Aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner.
♦ I read that 4,153,237 people were married last year. Not to cause any trouble.... but shouldn’t that be an even number?
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their bodies. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that!
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.
♦ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
♦ I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor” (This is true)
♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch.
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, & he was a drunk.