Let me know when we start understanding each other. in HOW MANY PUBLIC BOOKS WILL I MAKE AND THEN EVENTUALLY PRIVATIZE

  • May 14, 2020, 12:18 p.m.
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Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I used to give all the fucks about this because open closet doors in the dark always make me feel like someone’s gonna JUMP OUT AND ATTACK ME, but that ridic fear seems to have gone away since I moved in with someone, so I rarely notice/care if LP’s closet is open.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
I’m a bougie bitch these days and that shit ain’t up to snuff. (But I also only stay in budget hotels, so I’m only halfway bougie.)

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Tucked in. I need to feel like I’m being swaddled to sleep.

Have you stolen a street sign before?
SADLY NO, I was a ridiculously law-abiding teen because I thought cops were around every corner waiting to arrest white girls for menial crimes? TURNS OUT THEY’RE TOO BUSY SHOOTING LAW-ABIDING PEOPLE DUE TO THEIR SKIN COLOR, so I guess I was safe all along.

Do you like to use Post-It notes?
I do, but they do me almost no good lol.

Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
I don’t cut coupons, but my mom did every week and based our grocery lists on those sales. It was only later I found out that being poor is some sort of SOCIAL FAUX PAS and she probably knew she was facing hella judgment every time she did it. Considering my mom’s X-treme social anxiety, I gotta give her cred for sticking with it for the good of her family.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
Like obviously bees I guess but I’ve never been stung and maybe I’m allergic, so it may kill me?

But I’m definitely allergic to being mauled, so.

Do you have freckles?
A smattering. More as I get older. Stupid age.

Do you always smile for pictures?
I absolutely cannot smile normal-style for pictures so I make stupid fucking faces instead. One of the many reasons I will never be an Insta thirst trap.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
This question.

Also, turns out loud, sloppy chewing sounds ruin my entire life. Thankfully I moved in with the only person whose chewing has consistently bothered me since I met him OH WAIT I AM THE OPPOSITE OF THANKFUL FOR THAT.

Do you ever count steps when you walk?
NOPE.

Have you peed in the woods?
Obviously.

Do you chew your pens and pencils?
I used to a LOT but have somehow completely broken the habit.

What size is your bed?
QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

What is your song of the week?
I don’t think I have one right now? I haven’t listened to hardly any music since quarantine since LP isn’t a fan of most non-EDM. And although he wouldn’t be annoyed at all by me blasting stuff he doesn’t like, HIS music drives ME nuts and I’d feel bad for the double-standard, so I’ve just kinda avoided it.

(Earbuds exist but sometimes it’s too much and I can’t focus on anything else.)

Is it OK for guys to wear pink?
Why is this a question anyone is asking in 2020 for fuck’s sake HOW OLD IS THIS SURVEY.

Do you still watch cartoons?
Adult cartoons exist now, yanno. “Still” is kinda weird.

Yes, Rick and Morty is life. And this opinion associates me with a lot of d-bags haha IT’S A GOOD SHOW THAT ATTRACTS A LOT OF SHITTY PEOPLE WHO MISS THE POINT.

What do you drink with dinner?
These days, HARD SELTZERS.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
I have never liked chicken nuggets.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
When I was 12 and my mom realized I was talking to pedophiles online all day, she decided that MAAAAAYBE I could use some Real Life Human Contact with Actual Children and put me in a girl scout troop for approximately 15 minutes. Everyone else in the group had been a girl scout for years so they were over all the normal scouty-stuff. They were also all from a really bougie neighborhood and all they did was shop or talk about shopping. I didn’t have any money so it was just me… watching them shop and being embarrassed by my poverty. Like, they’d legit talk forever about which upscale brand of whatever product was better than the other and I hadn’t even… heard of any of them, so I just stayed silent and went home and cried.

They also made me watch Bring it On twice in one day. That was rough.

Then the troop disbanded and my mom told me girl scouts was too expensive, so that was that.

NOW YOU KNOW THE ONLY TIME I INTERACTED WITH OTHER KIDS UNTIL I WAS 16.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?
Holy shit it’s been yeeeeears, I can’t even recall.

Can you change the oil on a car?
Not… currently, but it can’t be that hard? I don’t drive so it’s never been a situation for me.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Again, I don’t drive.

Ever ran out of gas?
Stop asking me car questions plx

What’s your favorite kind of sandwich?
In the Before Times, I’d go to the Potbelly in our building and get a “wreck” which is basically Every Meat on Bread and I fuckin loved those bitches.

I order French dips in every restaurant that offers them.

Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Dick.

Jk I don’t really eat breakfast anymore. Even the dick kind.

How many languages can you speak?
you’ve seen my entries, you know the answer is “close to none”

Do you have any subscriptions?
I JUST GOT MY FIRST IPSY BAG. IT WAS FINE. I also subscribe to streaming services and am a patron of a few podcasts.

Which are better: Legos or Lincoln Logs?
I fucking loved Lincoln Logs as a kid but I don’t really know why? Seems like just a… way less creative version of the same toy?

That’s probably why, actually. I was bad at Legos. Visual creativity was not my strong suit.

Are you stubborn?
About certain things, but it’s something I’m trying to work on. Stubbornness seems counterproductive when you don’t have a justification for it, like idk, fighting for a cause or standing up for basic human rights. But when people are described as “stubborn,” I associate it more with petty immovability.

Ever watch soap operas?
My mom loved Guiding Light. Even as a kid I couldn’t stand that shit.

The “ScyFy” Channel (before they arbitrarily added Ys to the name) used to play the old Dark Shadows soap and we’d watch that with my dad and make fun of it. That was enjoyable.

Are you afraid of heights?
I feel like I’ve become more afraid of heights as I’ve gotten older? Not sure why, it didn’t used to bother me much. Maybe now I can more clearly picture falling to my death.

Do you sing in the car?
I don’t drive and I sure as shit wouldn’t subject a driver to my singing, lol.

Ever shot a gun?
NOPE. I would love to try it.

Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Sure! But isn’t that kinda the point?

I don’t like them but not because they’re cheesy. I just usually find them annoying to my ears and eyes.

Is Christmas stressful?
Not really. My childhood christmases were okay, and my adult christmases have largely been spent alone. I usually get stoned and order food and watch TV until my eyeballs fall out, which isn’t as depressing as it sounds.

The leadup to Christmas stresses me out a LOT, but only because repetitive music/movies/sentiments/color schemes/everything make me feel like I’m going insane. (It’s the same reason LP’s music hurts my brain. I can only hear the same sound so many times, with no indication that it will change or stop, before I feel like I’m LEGITIMATELY going insane.)

Occupations you wanted to be when you were little?
When I was four or so, my dad asked me this and I told him I wanted to be a robot. He read far too much into it. I think I just liked shiny metal and bleep bloop sounds.

I wanted to be a singer, for some reason? And then one person complimented my writing when I was like, seven, and I instantly decided I’d be a writer.

Then I… didn’t do that, obviously.

I wonder if someone had complimented anything else about me at that age, y’all wouldn’t have been subjected to hundreds of thousands of my garbage words over the last 15 years.

Ever have a déjà vu feeling?
YEP. I kinda enjoy it.

First concert you attended?
James Taylor when I Was 19 lol lol lol. My stepmom took me. I’ve mentioned I… didn’t leave the house until my late teens, right?

Walmart, Target, or Kmart?
The only one of those I still have access to is Target and I used to walk around in there all the time when I wanted a break from the office. I rarely bought anything but like, lunch snacks.

Nike or Adidas?
Haha I give no fucks.

Cheetos or Fritos?
Fritos. Cheetos are disgusting and also Frito “pie” is delicious shut up I’m not a trash person you’re a trash person.

Can you curl your tongue?
YEP

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
I have! Not often tho.

Sometimes I feel myself welling up when listening to super energetic music? Like it’s just an overwhelming… not happiness per se, but just intensity of feeling? That’s… a weird thing.

Own any record albums?
“record albums” DO YOU MEAN VINYL? No, I don’t have a record player. LP’s room is taken up by a ginormous record shelf and he has several more boxes of records in the garage, but those aren’t… mine.

Own a record player?
SEE ABOVE. I should have read ahead lol

Ever been in love?
COUPLE TIMES, yeah.

Ever won a contest?
oh jesus i’m pretty sure the answer is no and that’s fine, everything is fine. I got my participation trophies as a kid, those will tide me over for a lifetime of adult failure.

Do you miss anyone right now?
At this exact moment, not really! Which is… odd. I think the ol’ homeschooled brain has kicked into full gear. The coping mechanisms are strong with this one. Once I’m isolated for long enough, I almost immediately forget what it feels like to be… outside and around other humans. CAN’T MISS A FEELING I CAN NO LONGER RECALL.


from “Larceny”

Someday, I might try to think about another person’s feelings.
Only after I do some petty larceny.
Let’s get in the same racket.
The racket is dirty talk.
Let me know when we start understanding each other.

Look, it’s been very hard to puppeteer myself
all these years!
I desire to have a true humility,
but it’s hard,
and men are no help.


Chelsey Minnis, Baby I Don’t Care


Last updated May 14, 2020


dickson. May 14, 2020

They also made me watch Bring it On twice in one day. That was rough.

Graeme can quote this movie front to back.

One Angry Dwarf dickson. ⋅ May 14, 2020

SO CAN I NOW LOL.

Actually that was worse than watching it twice in one day--the fact that one hundred percent of them would say every single line in unison along with the movie. Oh. My. God.

Saying shit as it's been said in a movie or TV show should have been the pet peeve I listed. YOU ARE NOT A TRAINED ACTOR, LEAVE THE LINE READS TO THE FUCKING PROFESSIONALS.

CountingStars May 14, 2020

The first time I got stung this last October and now I get to carry an epi pen everywhere this summer.

Chewing of any kind honestly makes me feel sick. But the worst is someone trying to slurp up something when I drink is clearly gone. Like, is that really worth the energy?

Yours For Now... May 15, 2020 (edited May 15, 2020)

Edited

Ugh the May Ipsy bag was not nearly as cool as April. But the eyeliner is pretty sweet.
Now realizing we may have gotten different items based on our preferences...

One Angry Dwarf Yours For Now... ⋅ May 15, 2020

Haha yeah, the whole setup process where they ask you about brands/how often you want to receive certain stuff is to customize it. I WISH I'D GOTTEN EYELINER. WAAAHHH.

Mine was eehhhhh, not the worst. Face mask, hair mask, concealer, lip gloss, shadow brush. Haven't tried the brush or hair mask yet, and the lip gloss is the exact color of my lips and VERY sticky, but the concealer and face mask are dope.

God I'm supposed to be taking notes during a work call but instead I'm talking about makeup on PB. I'm the best employee.

Yours For Now... One Angry Dwarf ⋅ May 16, 2020

I GOT THE FACE MASK TOO I HAVEN'T TRIED IT YET YAY!!!!!

Serilen May 15, 2020

See, now I know we could be friends IRL because you think Cheetos are disgusting so if we were hanging out in the same room and there were Cheetos I wouldn't have to share.

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