Sad. in 2020

  • April 28, 2020, 3:33 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

My dad died when I was 5 years old. He was 41.

I grew up in a close family and we always had each other. My mom was always my rock. I always looked up to her for doing what she had to do to raise 5 kids on her own after he passed. I remember growing up always choosing her as my school subject when we had to write about heroes or inspiration.

But I don’t think I ever truly comprehended the whole situation until I got older.

I’m 34 now. I just couldn’t imagine going through that. It makes my heart hurt to imagine losing a husband. It makes my heart hurt to raise any kids who lost a father.

I get on the subject tonight because my mom and dads wedding song popped in my head. It’s a perfect wedding song and I love it. I played it for Andy and the memories of my mom playing this song came on strong. My mom used to drink. Not often but after my dad passed she would drink a few times a month- and when that happened it was never fun. She would play these sad songs over and over again and just sit at the table and cry all night. Some nights would be their wedding song on repeat.

I think at this point I was 6-11 years old and some nights I sat with her… but sometimes I just found it annoying because she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t turn the music down. She wouldn’t go to bed. Now I just look back at those times and want to cry along with her.

When I was 12, my aunt died. My moms sister and best friend. So close they moved 4 houses away from each other. So close they dated brothers and ended up marrying them (my dads brother married my moms sister). They were all inseparable. After my aunt died, my mom gave up drinking.

She’s remarried now, hasn’t touched alcohol in 20+ years, and in general is happy. My dad is a subject we always keep alive. He will live on through the memories. I always love listening to the stories ❤️


DE_mkately April 28, 2020

<3

BeautifulMess_ April 30, 2020

Awww

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