More quarantine survey-ing in The Real Pretend Mulling

  • April 13, 2020, 2:49 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

Do you have a sister that steals your things?
I don’t have a sister, period.

What song is dancing through your think machine?
“Phantom of the Opera”. For some reason, I can’t get enough of it lately. I don’t particularly like the play (seeing it live is pretty cool, what with the chandelier rising over the audience in the beginning and then crashing into the stage to close Act 1, but that’s pretty much all I liked) and I’m not a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber in general. Maybe I’m relating to the idea of hiding away from everyone else, being ugly, and getting real sick of peoples’ shit.

What was the last thing you shoved in your gut?
A pair of chili cheese dogs.

Was the Olympic torch carried through your town?
Probably not. I’m in a flyover state.

Do you have dishes in your room?
No.

Where were you October 3rd, 2009?
I have no idea.

How many jackets have you worn to school since it started?
I’m done with school for now.

Do you have a favorite hoodie?
Yes. It’s a plain black zip-up hoodie that I usually wear to work.

Do you watch Gossip Girl?
Nope. I didn’t get into any of the teen shows that were on from 2000-2008. Back then, my heart belonged to books and Doctor Who.

How about 90210?
Nah.

What time do you get up in the morning?
Work days, around eight. It’s a lot nicer, having my “office” be my living room, rather than a 30-plus minute drive across the city.

Do you listen to Dashboard Confessional?
I may have heard a song or two by them and not known. I’ve never actively sought out any of their music.

If yes, do you listen to them when you’re down?
See above.

Do you have a twitter?
Yes, it’s generaldisara2. I wanted to be General Disarray, like the South Park character, but someone beat me to it.

Is anyone in your family artistic?
For the most part, all of us are.

Last person to call you?
My mother FaceTime’d me yesterday, to show me my cat sitting on her puzzle. Smudge is an asshole.

What do you want to do after high school?
Baby, I am after high school.

When is the last time you watched a hockey game?
Last year, sadly. Only the Stanley Cup plays live around here, and I have neither cable nor a receiver for local channels.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you?
Yes.

Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?
Of course I have.

Would you ever go to Hawaii?
Yes. Actually, I had a chance to go ten years ago, when my step-aunt and uncle moved out there and needed a sitter for their kids. I passed it up, and I’m still kicking myself over it. They were paying and everything!

Be honest, do you have a boy?
No, I do not. And right now’s not the time to try and get one, is it.

Who was the last person you texted?
My bee eff eff. I was telling him about Buzzfeed’s latest “Which song did you not realize was about SEEEEEXXXXX?!” list, on which was “The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang. In the first place, I said, “How do you miss ‘The Bad Touch’ being about sex?!”, and then I said, “They’re just so… young. They’re so innocent. They are so toast.”

What was your last dream about?
Um… //mumbleslotsofsexwithmalcolmgladwell//

Where did you get the pants you’re wearing?
Hell Mart, I think.

What do you want right now?
A job that pays more than $25k a year. And for my idiot fucking neighbors to actually follow the stay-at-home order, so we can stop needing it in place sooner rather than later.

Do you like winter time?
I like the idea of it.

What are you currently listening to?
The Hunger Games audiobook, as read by Tatiana Maslany. She’s better than the narrator in the first editions.

Best thing that happened to you this week?
My mother bought me a handheld blender with chopper and whisk extensions, so I got to make proper dalgona coffee.

Are you currently talking to/texting/instant-messaging anyone?
I’m text with my BFF, and waiting for a conference with myself and HR to start at three. It’s about Bitchy McCuntbutt and how she not only treats everyone like shit, but management does nothing about it.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
No one. I tell them, politely but firmly, that I have asthma, and that usually gets people to put out their cigarettes around me.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mother.

Would you date someone 20 years older than you?
I mean, Malcolm Gladwell is 25 years older than me¹, and Alan Rickman, who caused my sexual awakening (poor guy, I’m not the only Millennial he did that too), was 42 years older than me. So, yes, I totally would.

¹He just did a Munk Debate last week, and all I could think while watching it was, “Damn, son, you should stop shaving more often.” The scruff was super-hot. And this from me, who usually likes my men clean-shaven.

Are you wearing make-up?
Nope. I washed my face and put my hair in a ponytail, and that’s pretty much it.

What is your father’s middle name?
Feh.

Where did you last eat?
At my tray table.

What are your plans for this weekend?
Being an “essential” delivery pizza driver (tip your drivers even if you pick “no-contact delivery,” you fools), doing laundry at some point. The usual.


Last updated April 13, 2020


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