5 years ago today... in New Thoughts

  • Feb. 13, 2020, 7:04 p.m.
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  • Public

So yesterday we went shopping so Mr B could have something fancy to wear tonight for our anniversary. He has a bad habit of wearing his expensive jeans when he should be wearing cheap jeans or work pants and he destroys them all.

Dressing Mr B is difficult. He’s 6‘4” and now he’s in training he’s probably about 105kgs… So his shoulders aren’t broad enough already, and his thighs get bigger, the muscle on the front of the thigh.

He can’t wear cheap clothes. Clothes mass produced on cheap patterns look stupid on him… Australian Fashion is really bad. It’s really narrow and everyone dresses the same. ATM all the men are wearing skinny or tapered trousers that have elastic cuffs or really narrow around the ankle. Shirts are stupid, thin polyester fabrics with skinny collars, that don’t fit around his neck and collar bones, stupid floral, Paisley, or spots, just stupid colours.

We started at Myer. It just didn’t work for him at all, usually we shop at David Jones but that was difficult. Only Levi’s had a straight leg jean or some other brand that was a shiny denim with a sheen to it, Mr B says they’re city pants.

He bought the Levi’s. At least they had different leg lengths.

Shirts were difficult. I was looking at some shirt, I think it might have been Armani, and I said this is made from the same fabric your Gi is… He said, because it is. It was a heavy cotton… So we ended up in RM Williams and he found a really nice dress shirt. It was $150.00. That was OK. He looks really good in it.

If you want to come to Australia, go shopping beforehand dont come here for the shopping, or the food, both are crazy expensive. And really not all that great. Trying to find a restaurant in Sydney to feed Mr B is a waste of time. We just end up eating pub food.

I think I’m so done with this country. I’m so sick of what happened with my doctor cos that sort of thing keeps happening with doctors everywhere.

The clinical director called Mr B back after he had a meeting with that gp. The GP said she got all that info from her consults with me. Mr B refuted that. No she didn’t. The clinical director didn’t say anything. He told me about the call after. I said I can’t talk about this anymore. It’s just pointless. The clinical director apologised. The referral is no longer on my record and he assured us that nothing like that will ever happen again. He said from his conversation with me the other day, I am not paranoid. This is not a personality problem. I can definitely see this is all trauma and she’s been through hell.

So I felt a bit better, but actually it made me really angry again, because :
1- how dare she turn it back on me
2- If that’s what she came up with, after I discussed anxiety with her, what the fuck? Why did she put all that in a referral like that? What type of GP does that when someone is seeking assistance? And to get everything that incorrect, especially If you want to accept her excuse that it all came out of my mouth? It’s so out there.
3 - if there is some centralised record on my medicare/mental health fires why is everyone denying it even exists, and if that’s the case, why does it keep recurring and following me absolutely everywhere? This sort of thing has happened in 3 states now, over the span of 12 years…

So Mr B wants to have an appointment with that GP and ask her what the hell directly to her face.

I said, don’t.

We are never going to get to the bottom of this. We’ve been trying for years. And we keep being told there’s nothing going on.

I’m over it. I can’t seek help. I know this.

Mr B said in Japan they drink a glass of hot sake at night before bed to help with sleep. So I’m going to do just that. But not a full glass, the little sake size glasses… I have those.

So I’m going to get ready in a bit to go away for tonight.

I bought eyelashes and I have my make up box, so I’ll take all of that. When I feel like crap, I don’t like going anywhere but I’m not going to let these doctors ruin everything.

So Mr B tried to buy the voodoo green velvet dress for me, I’ve rented for the weekend. The store rang back. It’s a discontinued line, and they want it back.

I am planning how to tell them I’ve written it off, so they’ll just charge me its full price.

Except I can’t lie, I’m like Sheldon Cooper, and the guilt will cripple me. I won’t be able to handle it.

So I think I’m going to photograph it, all of it, inside and out and if I ever end up in Vietnam or Hong Kong in a couple of years when everything is sorted out in that part of the world. I’ll get them to remake it. And they can make it exactly to my measurements.

I hope I’ll be able to find the fabric it’s gorgeous. It’s velvet but it has this stretch to it. It’s so luxurious. It’s totally divine.

I’m looking forward to wearing it and getting away for the weekend.

I hope everyone else has a nice day today.

I used to dislike valentines day too, but it was a fluke we just got this day for our wedding. So it just happened.

I can’t believe I’ve been married this long, it doesn’t feel like five years. We met 8 years ago…

We’ve been through so much.

I just want all the crap over with.

queenofegypt February 15, 2020

Happy five years! I hope you're having a wonderful weekend away.

Black Moon queenofegypt ⋅ February 15, 2020

Thx. It was really nice.

We're home now and back to reality

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