Alice, Falling
Entries 37
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You can't go home again in Pandemic
Back when I was watching the pandemic from inside my parents’ house in Oregon, I was aware that a lot of people were leaving San Francisco. When I moved back, barely three weeks ago, it didn’t fe...
When people say, “we have made it through worse before” in Pandemic
a poem by Clint Smith When people say, “we have made it through worse before” all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones of those who did not make it, those who did not survive to se...
Speed Scrabble in Pandemic
Back in 2007, when I was 25, friendless and raw with heartbreak, I started playing online Scrabble. Specifically, speed Scrabble, in which each player has four minutes total to play all of their ...
What isn't.* in Pandemic
When I was anticipating the breakup, but before it actually happened, I wrote him a letter. In it, I detailed all of the trips we took, the memories contained in them, because, I wrote, if we bre...
Catastrophes in Pandemic
My Amazon app indicates that my collagen powder had been delivered. “Left in mailbox.” I turn on the flashlight on my phone and swing open the front door to find it. The night here is as dark as...
Beginnings and Endings in On loves.
I have a bunch of entries in my “drafts” folder, and tonight, I clicked on the first one. August 13, 2014, 3:26 a.m. I wrote it late at night, after my first date with now-ex-boyfriend. I don’t m...
On endings in Pandemic
As the election nears, I am finding it harder and harder to go to bed. My wake up time remains sometime between ten and eleven am, but I’m burning the midnight oil past three and four and, last n...
For a few years now, I’ve been obsessed with air quality. Well, not like “obsessed obsessed,” but aware, and somehow I ended up being a weirdo who can fit all her belongings into her little car, ...
It's come to this. in Pandemic
I’ve reached the point, thanks to the pandemic and my involuntary six months of celibacy (oh god am I an incel?), at which I am now having masturbation dreams. NOT SEX DREAMS. I am literally drea...
I searched all day for a way to arrange these past five months into something that made sense. I sat down at my computer three times and closed my laptop three times. But the only thing that come...
I made a Jared Kushner Makeup Tutorial in Pandemic
You’re welcome/I’m sorry.
Have gotten zero feedback from anyone on it, but a few thumbs down on YouTube. So I keep watching it, because I’m like, “Oh shit, is this actually not funny?” But each time, something makes me la...
There's a lot of things old people don't know in Pandemic
My grandmother lived in Los Angeles for 93 years before, following my grandfather’s death and at my mother’s urging, she moved up to a retirement community near my parents in Oregon. She hadn’t e...
How things fade in On loves.
On the third night of my brother’s wedding, I kissed a friend of the bride’s. So here’s the thing,” he said to me on the dance floor. “You’re super cute but we live really far apart, so I don’t ...
On un-exing. in On loves.
What do you call an ex-boyfriend you are, once again, dating? “My ex” had felt foreign on my tongue for so long. A title reserved for other people I had once cared about but who now made me sigh...
Goodnight nobody. in On loves.
Technically, we broke up in our therapist’s office on a Thursday afternoon. But it wasn’t until that Sunday that the finality of what we—or, really, he—had done sunk in. The rain fell from a gray...
6/27 in Diet Journal
Objective for today: eliminate sugar from drinks 6:30 AM: cold brew + coconut milk + stevia (~50 cal) 7:00 AM: 45 min barre class 8:30 AM: cold brew (10 c) + coconut milk (60 c) + collagen powder...
6/26 in Diet Journal
I’m sure this is super boring, so you feel free to just ignore all these diet posts. I’ll write a real update sometime. 7:00 AM: 60 min barre class 9:00 AM: coffee w/ collagen, coconut milk, butt...
6/23 in Diet Journal
8:00 AM: 25 min sprint/burst class 8:30 AM: Coconut milk, collagen powder, cacao, stevia 9:00 AM: 60 min hip stretching class 1:30 PM: 1 chicken thigh, 1/2 sweet potato with butter, 5 oz sauteed ...
I went out with my boyfriend and his friends tonight. We went to Bootie SF, which is a semi-raunchy dance club, and I had some sangria beforehand and a vodka cranberry and, later, a vodka orange....
On what's next in On loves.
There are things I don’t say. I don’t talk about how sick I was when we stayed on Tonsai Beach in Thailand. Don’t talk about how I could barely move, I felt so bad. Don’t talk about how I laid o...
Tis the Season... in On loves.
for breakups. My brother and his girlfriend broke up a couple days ago. “Just so you know,” he texted me at 6:30 in the morning, “we broke up last night. I’m flying to Oregon today.” Boyfriend’...
The End of Tuesday Night Dinner Date in On loves.
It’s September, and I realize that I haven’t spoken to Tuesday Night Dinner Date since April, or maybe before. Every time I’ve thought to call him in the past months, I’ve thought about how shitt...
and the good in On loves.
As soon as it hits midnight on my birthday, it starts. Boyfriend and I are watching iZombie. They’re talking about the Susan B. Anthony coins. “You know what the B. stands for?” he says to me. “B...
White Christmas in On loves.
According to the top trendsetters, racism in 2016 is subtle. Not flashy, not too in-your-face. These days, it’s timeless. It’s Christmas morning in San Francisco, my first without my family, and ...
