my.constant

"and so it seems i must always write you letters that i can never send"

sylvia plath

Entries 90

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September 30, 2015

Beauty. in She and Him.

Sometimes, he looks at me like I hung the moon and put all the stars in the sky. More often than sometimes, I catch him staring at me as I nervously flick my eyes away. He tells me how beautiful ...


September 26, 2015

The Books You Love. in She and Him.

As you show me the books you love, I can’t help but notice the tiny, nearly imperceptible dog-eared pages in many of them. I long to thumb through them, to touch the worn pages that you held betw...


September 24, 2015

Cautioners. in She and Him.

Just heard a song I hadn’t heard in a while, and it sums up my feelings tonight: The time I would spend with pictures I would not send. I watched you go from left to right. I followed you all nig...


It’s strange to me that 3 days apart, 3 nights spent in my own bed without him, now seems like an eternity. When I’m missing him on nights like tonight, I think about the fact that prior to our ...


September 21, 2015

* Stare. in She and Him.

Sometimes I just stare at him, drinking him in, making a feast of his flesh with my eyes. I stare at the outline of his body, illuminated by a yellow porch light, a cigarette between his perfect...


September 21, 2015

* Trust. in She and Him.

I write on nights when I’m not with him, and this weekend marked three-weeks since that first night he invited me over for the first time in six years. Three weeks, and I have spent more nights w...


I’ve said it more than once, but one of the things I have always loved about him was his mind. We met through a friend back in the early 00’s, and chatted online long before we ever met in person...


More nights spent with him, each one magical in its own way. Sometimes, we start in bed and stay there. The hours seem to slip by in seconds when we are in each others arms. I could spend eterni...


If we don’t talk about our past, maybe it won’t exist. If we don’t talk about the future, maybe we can stay like this. Let’s live in the moment, and claim blissful ignorance. After hitting the d...


I previously wrote about night 1 and night 2 of our re-connection, and was planning to write through each night as it happened, because I wanted to remember every detail. I still do, but the days...


I keep telling myself not to get used to this. His arms around me as we sleep, his warm body pressed up against mine, the sound of his breathing and the way he holds me closer every time he stirs...


It had been approximately 15 hours since we had parted from our night spent together, and I was driving back to his house in my pajamas, with wet hair and not a stitch of makeup. My day had consi...


I have been putting off writing down everything that has happened this week, because I have this crazy notion that writing it down will somehow make it final, and everything will come to a scree...


September 03, 2015

Right now: in She and Him.

He’s all I can taste on my lips. I don’t want to even write it down, because I’m afraid if I think about it for too long, I might wake up and realize it’s all been a dream. A beautiful fucking ni...


In order to begin, I need to go back. Back to a place I never thought I’d go again, because my heart had finally repaired itself to a somewhat functional state, and I started to truly believe th...


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