shaytertot
Entries 12
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Constant adaptation, revision, and change in Runaway
Kyle is sad today because of me. The last few days I’ve had a ‘tude with him. A handful of small things that all seem to have one theme: He is stuck in his ways. The most loyal, supportive (of m...
Robin reached out to me on Christmas to say she hopes to have insurance next year for therapy, so, to start preparing, I created this “A Working Entry to My Mom” document because she “truly wants...
Store bought Serotonin is OK too in Christmas Morning
Everything’s connected. There is Chinese theory that everything in your body is connected to your foot. Some don’t believe in consequences. We are a flesh suit with a brain - a really wild epic b...
It's not you. It's... me? in Why I'm angry
Your words imply that it’s me. Not the way I see it. It’s you and your trauma that you weren’t able to overcome. Your narcissism and your envious comments about my body and my hair. It’s you thi...
"Was I that bad a mother?" in Why I'm angry
The last time I spoke on the phone with Robin was in 2020, I believe. The last text conversation we had was March 15 when I sent her the photo album from my itty bitty wedding. In this album, I’m...
Fuck her in Why I'm angry
I met with my therapist I met with my primary care provider We increased my Lexapro to 20mg Next he said would be Cymbalta Kyle sat in on my therapy this morning It was a really good session What...
Bathroom cry in Runaway
Last Thursday, maybe early Friday morning, I took a razor blade to my skin for the first time in six years. Very minor damage. I said “That’s enough for now.” Now, I’m sitting in the rarely used ...
Here I am, on a good day, having good thoughts about myself. Therapy has helped me define and understand what it takes to be a good person. You often have to choose to be good, over what is famil...
A soft smile to my visualized depression in Runaway
When things are good, on a consistent good, I find it challenging to approach the door to my depression, to my anger. There’s just no fuel or motivation to want to explore it because things are g...
Me + Depression =4ever<3 in Why I'm angry
Depression is a lens. A cloudy filter. It distorts your truth, your reality. How much of me is depression? Am I a negative person or is the depression making me negative? Am I an irritable perso...
I'm angry rn about being angry in Why I'm angry
I guess if we explore my anger, we’ll also be exploring my depression. I’m angry that I even have depression and so much anger that somehow disguises itself into depression? Idk. I’m angry that I...
"iT's A pRoCeSs" in Runaway
If I’m asked to not leave items on the stairs to the basement because it’s a tripping hazard, I change it. Done. You likely won’t have to ask me again. If I’m asked to put the spoons in a certain...
