~Octopussy~ ⋅ 40
Just an American living Bangkok and writing about all the inappropriate things that I somehow get roped into joining... I've been writing in blogs since 1999, so I'm fairly inconsistent. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes I have nothing to say for months at a time, but I'm never gone, so just be patient and something new will come around.
The truth is of course is that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time
Entries 389
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I came home from work the other night and my parking spot as well as all the guest parking spots were taken up by my little brother’s friends. Honestly, I didn’t even get mad. In the past, every ...
Richard has been making frequent trips to visit now that he’s out of school and only has to work weekends at the bar in San Francisco. This means that he’s not just seeing me, he’s also seeing hi...
I know it’s been a while, but it’s been gradually increasing in intensity as time has gone on. The drag show was fine. It was a bit of a mess simply because my friend that was supposed to help m...
I hate that everything is so difficult right now. I have to fight for every damn thing. I have to struggle to feel fine, feel normal, feel even just a minute amount of self-love and each step of ...
April 15 is the one year anniversary of the death of my grandmother. We all know how well that turned out for me, I’m still trying to deal with the consequences of that whole situation. I still h...
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA recently, I’ve been battling to get my health under control, which has been more of a struggle than I’m really used to. Apparently while I was absent, Prosebox was ending…...
Listening Through Doorways in Things That I'm Grateful For
I’m watching Love Or Whatever, and Jennifer Elise Cox is sooooo fucking hysterical. She portrayed Jan Brady in the 90s Brady Bunch movies (which are quite possible two of the funniest films ever ...
I know it’s been so many months since I’ve written anything significant, but after my suicide attempt in September, I had to change everything about my life. I cut everyone off, quit my job, and ...
I’m I haven’t written in ages, but I’ve been focusing so much on my novel that it has completely sapped by desire to write elsewhere. A strange thing happened to me recently, I was finally at the...
I know it has been a horribly long time since I’ve written and there’s no excuse other than I haven’t felt like it. Not even when my birthday rolled around. I’ve spent the last month trying, rath...
We Can in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write
Well, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of weeks. Crazy because I’m doing everything possible to keep myself from going crazy. Since I cut off all contact with Richard, I’ve quit my job and gotten...
I’ve spent the last week grappling with everything that happened. I felt like I stabbed myself in the chest for nearly 4 days. It was like a had a constant, heavy pain pressing on my body. After ...
Hurt in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write
I called Richard, and through gasps and tears, I told him it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while. He only replied, “I don’t know what to say.” There’s nothing to say. I love him...
Saturnine in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write
I went to San Francisco this week. It was disastrous mainly because it illustrated how I can’t seem to keep my emotions in check. We were out having a good time, and then out of nowhere, Richard ...
Madonnarama in The Song Remembers When
The Rebel Heart Tour is being released in a few weeks, and I’m trying to think of what my absolute favorite Madonna songs are. You’ll probably notice, I’m much more into Madonna’s later stuff. Ge...
So in the past couple of months I’ve tried to tame myself. I’m only going after men that are actually my type. I’ve spent too much time chasing guys that I believe are hot only because people tel...
Bitchin' in The Song Remembers When
I don’t know why and I’m not going to analyze why, but I totally identified more easily with female singers and bands when I was younger. I think it’s because I was raised in such a feminine envi...
I know I haven’t written but in truth, not much has happened. How often can I write about a cycle that repeats itself? How many times can I say “this is bad” without anything really changing? Wh...
I spent the entire rest of the week trying to deconstruct what happened with Richard. Or stop myself from deconstructing. I didn’t drink or smoke. I went to bed at 9:30 every night. Until Saturda...
Someone posted that on my Facebook page in response to something in French, and I’ve never laughed so hard about something Russian.
What was I saying to myself? in Things That I'm Grateful For
Do you make your bed? I don’t even sleep in a bed. I don’t have one and haven’t had one since I left Los Angeles. Yet another reason to leave. Also why staying away from home is such a treat. The...
The weekend was exactly what I needed. It had so many shades to it and it was amazingly complex, although sickeningly simple at the same time. I wondered how it was going to go especially since R...
I had to escape this week. Karen, my mother’s friend whom I used to live with, invited me to stay at her place for the week since the service arrangements were going to absolutely overwhelm every...
Annabel Lee in The Song Remembers When
When I was younger, I loved the stories of Edgar Allan Poe. For whatever reason, those dreary stories about death, murder and the impending Hell seemed perfectly normal for my teenaged brain. Alt...
She said, “We don’t know now but it won’t hurt this bad forever.” I replied coldly, “Yes, it will.” “I know it feels like that now,” she answered,” but someday it will feel like less of a weight....
