~Octopussy~ ⋅

I'm not really sure what to write about myself. I'm just moving forward because that's all I can do... except when I'm here, usually that means I'm obsessing about the past.

Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.

Madonna

Entries 346

Page 4 of 14

I wrote an entire entry about an epiphany I had the other day but really, I don’t want to write about childhood trauma again. It’s so boring and repetitive. So I thought I’d go a different route ...


Nothing has changed. I’ve been on a few disastrous dates. I am NOT writing about that horrible sexual experience because I just can’t bring myself to discuss it. It was horrifying.... But I will ...


I should really write since I have so much to write about but I just can’t really be bothered to get everything down. That’s why I titled the last entry as such because I was avoiding writing stu...


Can you whistle? Just put your lips together and blow. But not really. Scariest thrill ride you’ve been on? My trip to New York in 2006 comes to mind. Where is your favorite place on earth? Jac...


So after writing that last entry, Richard and I finally hung out for my birthday where I took him to the bi-monthly orgy that happens and watched him get fucked by nearly every person I’ve had se...


I won’t say I’m surprised because I’m not, at least, not when I look back and take a look at everything that has led to this point. Richard moving back to Sacramento wasn’t the great healing I t...


I knew the minute I said the word “fag” to him, I had opened some kind of floodgate. Furthermore, as I listened to him spin this yarn, telling me how everyone is constantly telling him what a fag...


I’ve written so many entries that I ended up deleting. I was getting very tired of the tone of my entries, everything negative and dwelling on how hurt I am. That perspective hasn’t changed too m...


August 18, 2019

Toys in Things That I'm Grateful For

So recently, my little brother broke up with his girlfriend. I found out about it while I was in LA because my mother had to share it with me, but the way she shared it with me completely cemente...


I have a new answer to the question “What’s your favorite horror movie?” and my answer will still surprise you. My answer used to be Titanic. Nobody really understood that but I would remind the...


After I wrote the last entry, I actually looked back at my past entries and was not all that surprised to discover that I had written almost an identical entry last year. I wrote this long entry ...


I know it’s been an incredibly long time, and I don’t even know if anyone still looks for my entires anymore because of how infrequent they’ve become. I just got back from a long-deserved vacatio...


I just wrote the longest and most boring entry about my disorder that I’ve ever written. No one wants to read that, I didn’t even want to write it, so I’ll distill it down to something interestin...


I know, it has been a long time. One of the longest breaks I’ve ever taken. To be quite honest, the only reason I’m writing right now is because I was watching Call Me By Your Name and started ge...


I was halfway through a REALLY boring entry and I just decided, fuck that, I’ll do a survey. Get to know me. A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? “These creepy old men keep hover...


Last weekend, my step-father cornered me and I got stuck in this incredibly long speech. Essentially, he called me a 40-year-old single loser. First of all, I was livid. I’m finally getting on tr...


Last year was such a complicated year musically, that I thought it would be a good thing to share my top favorite albums from the year. Dark Horse by Devin Dawson: I’m not picking this just becau...


I’m sitting in one of five Starbucks I passed in my terminal alone in the Seattle-Tacoma airport. I’m heading back to Sacramento after having a week here to clear my head and figure things out. M...


This week left me feeling down and completely listless. I went out to do some writing, I booked my flight to Seattle, and then I was talking to a friend who reminded me that the Fleetwood Mac con...


Last night was such a disaster, I’m so angry and so done with so many things. Honestly, it was so bad that had it been a year ago, I would have killed myself. There would have been no attempt, I ...


The air quality in my nook of California has been so bad that I haven’t actually left my house in three days. I’m okay with that, I caught up on some reading and enjoyed the solitude. Not having ...


I remember writing the last entry thinking that I had so much to write about, but really, none of it matters. And that’s the problem. I miss when I felt like my life mattered. I wish everything d...


I should know better than to name my trips something as singular as “One Man Show” because in essence, that’s what it became. A series of misfires in which I found myself at the mercy of my own p...


So I am writing this on my phone, which I hate doing but I’ve just decided all of this in the last 24 hours, so I’m writing now. I have much more to write about, but I haven’t had the time. My j...


September 07, 2018

Dreams in Things That I'm Grateful For

Angel I’m walking down some kind of passage, all I can perceive is a brick wall to my right. Somehow the pathway is lit before me in a way that completely directs my path forward. To the left is ...