Midorinokaeru ⋅ 41

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57 minutes ago

Martial law in 2020

I’ve had a good long think, and I’ve decided I’m all for martial law. Despite very, very clear instructions to STAY THE FUCK AT HOME, we still have people needlessly moving about the country and ...

Cherry stone spitting, apparently. I fucking love German compound words. So efficient and logical and beautifully ugly, they make my heart glad.

OKCupid suggested I broaden my geographical range to “anywhere” in the spirit of global solidarity in the face of the pandemic. As a result, I have wasted my time chatting to bell-ends from a var...

My spiky colleague Skyped me on Monday to ask whether I was coping with the plague, what with the OCD and all. It made me feel all warm inside, working with people who care. I’m so lucky. I think...

Kenny Rogers dippin’ out in the middle of an apolcalyse is the most “know when to fold ‘em” shit I’ve ever seen.

… that I laughed as hard as I did at the photo of a bloke washing his arse with the garden hose on Facebook this evening? EDIT: Apparently, posting a link to FB is not difficult. Who knew. Here ‘...

3 days ago

Tomorrow in 2020

I’ve been pretty lax with myself this week. Monday I was still reeling from having had to leave the house on a Sunday so I just did my 7 hours work then fannied anout online all evening. Yesterda...

6 days ago

Done! in Random shite

I faffed and dithered and procrastinated, because however desirable the outcome I do not wish to leave the house on a Sunday. But I eventually made it to the office where I Detolled all my IT stu...

7 days ago

The mission in Random shite

I have to go to The Big Smoke today and pick up my laptop and screen and whatnot from the orifice. I’m not sure what time they shut, but I reckon I’d better be there before 4 or so. And whilst I’...

7 days ago

Probably TMI in Random shite

I think I’m gonna take a couple of painkillers before I go to bed. I’ve not really slept all week - spent the nights turning over and over and over, trying to get the aching hips comfy. A painkil...

7 days ago

Metro 2033 in Random shite

I asked for something dark and apocalyptic and they brought me this. The author’s called Dmitry (my all-time favourite name) so I said yeah, fuckit, lets give it a whirl. So far, my overriding im...

OK, yeah, I know there’s a pandemic on the go, the whole world’s gone mental and there’s nae bogroll - but check THIS out… …I, Midorinokaeru - Princess of Procrastination, Sultanah of Sloth, Coun...

March 20, 2020

Owch in Random shite

All my joints below the waist ache. I’m no fatter than I was a month ago, and I’m not walking any farther, so it must be the new wellies making me walk flat-footed and putting pressure on all the...

I’ll be the first to admit that I stride around car parks with my head up my arse and expect drivers to avoid hitting me, then return the favour by not hitting similarly spaced-out pedestrians wh...

March 19, 2020

Thursday - done. in Random shite

Well, that was… less fun than having a tooth pulled but not as bad as spending 45 minutes is a soft play centre. Do-able - indeed, done-able. Went to Farming-town first, withdrew some cash and pa...

I have to go to town. I need… things. Things and stuff. Haven’t made the list yet. Slept really badly last night cos my knees were killing me - am I getting too old for marching about in wellies?...

“You’re gonna hate yourself for this, and then when you go to Hallmark to buy a card to make up for it you’re not gonna find one because it is - too - specific!” Just, wow.

March 18, 2020

Booze inventory in Random shite

Whilst out marching I mentally counted up all the booze in my house. I’ve actually got quite a lot considering I don’t drink and don’t plan on starting, and seem to have a reason per bottle for h...

March 18, 2020

Go hug a tree in 2020

I’ve just spent two hour marching round the estate in my Annie Wilkes shortie wellies and no jacket, in the sleet, hugging trees. It was great. First-off I hugged a Western Hemlock (it had a tag,...

March 18, 2020

Plumbers in Banishing Nora

The plumbers are coming today. Apparently there’s a leak in the store downstairs that’s more than likely coming from my flat. I don’t think it’ll be a heating pipe, or else I’d be losing water fr...

March 18, 2020

Prepared in Random shite

Work Wife just emailed talking about how he’s going to cope “stuck in the house” during his leisure time. MSN is awash with working-from-home themed listicles (including my favourite - “What To W...

(To the tune of “What Would Brian Boitano Do?”) What would Kieliszkowski do If he were here right now? He’d get this house looking like new That’s what Kieliszkowski would do. At Kieliskowski’s f...

I read an awful lot of apocalyptic fiction in my teens, guess it was inevitable with the Cold War and whatnot. Often wondered which character I’d be when the plague hit. Well, apparently, I’d be ...

Is there an actual place where men wear cowboy boots and stetsons just for day-to-day life? Or is that just in made-up TV world? If it’s real, I wanna go there. And if it’s not, then, well, it sh...

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