AmonThule

Entries 18

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July 10, 2018

A fools errand! in First Journal

I don’t know what I had said in my last entry, but I don’t care to look back. I was receiving signals from the X that weren’t real. She tells me she misses me. She sent a message to a girl I star...


July 04, 2018

Confused in First Journal

I dont know what to make of it. 2 people have interpreted it differently and they’re not wrong but it’s probably their reaction to such behavior. She told another girl that I had started to see, ...


June 30, 2018

Miss you in First Journal

Miss you, my queen. You are the bane of my life right now because I love you so. Miss me please. I want to at least be missed. You used to send me pictures of yourself and tell me you missed me....


June 30, 2018

Nope in First Journal

Not doing well today. It all comes crashing down in a day, an hour, a minute. All my fronting of being okay is made into nothing. Manic is what I call it. I miss you bestie. I miss you love. I mi...


June 29, 2018

Seriously in First Journal

I want her back. This is crazy. How do I get past this? It’s strange I cant control this feeling, ever. The moment I’m reminded of her I ache. It’s not even like a concious reminder sometimes eit...


June 29, 2018

Seriously in First Journal

I want her back. This is crazy. How do I get past this? It’s strange I cant control this feeling, ever. The moment I’m reminded of her I ache. It’s not even like a concious reminder sometimes eit...


June 27, 2018

Love of my in First Journal

I think she was/is the love of my life. I’m a young man, sure, with years in front of me. My thirties even. I say “was” because it looks like I will never get to be with her again but I say “is” ...


I love you, babe. I want to shout of from the mountain tops, out my window in my room, in the shower instead of singing to myself and most of all so you can hear it loud and clear. You know, thou...


June 25, 2018

Out of my system in First Journal

I see her number in my phone. It makes me want to reach out and tell her I love her. So instead, to get it our of my system, Ill say it here. I love you, Alexia. I miss you so. I dont hear it ret...


June 25, 2018

Hurry up in First Journal

I wish I could hurry up and get over her. I wish she would hurry up and realize she wants me back. Ha, that’ll never happen again. I still tear up every night before bed if I think about her. Lik...


June 17, 2018

Well that sucks in First Journal

I fucked up my chances for sure. I knew if I lost my cool it would cost me. Its true we should be apart for a while but I still miss her. I don’t know if that will pass but my need for her to be ...


June 13, 2018

It ain't easy in First Journal

I really wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Maybe this is a test to see if I’m worthy. So far, its not looking good. I have been too needy and too forward with my feelings. It seems l...


June 08, 2018

Morning in First Journal

I didn’t have a dream or trouble sleeping last night. Today is my Friday but I have found some work for the weekend to fill my days and refill my pockets. I admit my first thought every day is st...


June 07, 2018

I dream again in First Journal

I haven’t had any dreams I can remember for a long time. That is until about a month ago, a couple weeks after my love left me. Some say I don’t dream because I smoke pot. I guess this could be t...


June 07, 2018

Goals in First Journal

It’s funny how much I want the instant gratification of her taking me back right now. It would feel great but it is unearned. I see other men in their cars driving with their women in the passeng...


June 04, 2018

Crazy in First Journal

I think I’ve gone mad. To think this might work out well for me. The more I think about it the more I realize I would have to be a different person. I am too nice. Maybe if I can find a half way ...


June 03, 2018

All day in First Journal

How do I distract myself? I tried cleaning my house. Taking a trip to and playing my drums. Smoked pot. Placed another woman in front of me that wants my attention. Called friends. Played video g...


June 03, 2018

6AM in First Journal

I don’t know exactly what it is about her. Is it because she denied me and my pride can’t take it? Or because I know she deserved better and I want to be better for her and myself? I fear losing ...


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