returnhome ⋅

Conscious, struggling, mom, single, always keep fighting, night shift, avid and voracious consumer of media

"I mean, everyone wants to believe they'd be the hero, that they'd join the Resistance, try to kill Hitler. It's such fucking bullshit. It's obedience, not resistance."

Felix, Sense8

Entries 22

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July 15, 2018

Thinking in Day to Day

I’m probably going to start quietly writing on my google blog thing again. I think I don’t need to disconnect my entries from my real life anymore.


July 01, 2018

Another Decision Day in Day to Day

Nope. Not worth it. And the fact remains that if I Go, you won’t even know.


June 29, 2018

Low in Skirting the Edge of Sanity

Ah, remembering the old lectures about if I didn’t like the job I had, I should just get a new one. All the interviews, the resume workshop, the applications, and so many rejections. Just get a n...


June 25, 2018

Quiet Birthday in Day to Day

True to my promise to myself, I’ve been in the real world. When I wasn’t asleep, that is. No mental wandering into my internal story. No seeking out the escapism of my fantasy. You see, everyone ...


June 25, 2018

Complete in Day to Day

I’ve made it through 45 years. This is the first day I am officially one year older than my mom was when she died. Three people made the effort to wish me a happy birthday without me noting it wa...


I have been hit with the megaton rock of birthday regret and depression. It caught me off guard. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it this long. I don’t think I can keep doing this. Getting up,...


June 22, 2018

Knowing in Day to Day

I’m about 2 days away from my birthday and I don’t feel any of the usual grief I have for many years. Especially since I am entering a new form category. (30-44, 45-60, etc.) I should be wallowin...


Crumbling infrastructure, missing beams, shaking foundations, sinkholes, and earthquakes carving up the tissue inside my skull. It takes skill to make a trek into this mind of mine. There are oub...


June 21, 2018

I Don't Know How in Day to Day

How to stop worrying. Things are going down and I can’t change anything right now. I have plans, but for the most part, things remain static for me, now, and here. This region hasn’t changed at a...


I wake up every day, and the fears I had keep coming true. The hopes and dreams I had slip further away. How others can feel a sense of superiority like nothing I ever wanted to hear again is bey...


Listen to a new rain as it splatters across the window and the ground out there. Know in our hearts, it is all we can ever have. Who would take this vase of flowers out into the rain to let the p...


My dear ghost, love and joy to you. One of us should feel it before it’s too late.


list text hereWhatever is going on, it feels like you’re trying damned hard to wrap things up, tie up loose ends, and say goodbye. It feels bigger than just stepping away from things for a while...


June 17, 2018

Little Realization in Day to Day

The lie that humans have roles in life to play is the one I held onto the longest. My failure to achieve some grand destiny I should have has made me depressed too often. I know this is a lie now...


June 16, 2018

Quiet in Day to Day

For the first time in a long time, it’s the evening, and it’s completely quiet. Like the middle of the night quiet. I feel like time stopped. I could live with this. I know it won’t last long. Th...


June 16, 2018

Frustrations in Day to Day

Shitty night at work was shitty. Wrote it out over yonder. I am still over-caffeinated. Not feeling fond of people after dealing with customers who are just miserable people taking their misery o...


Why do I do this to myself? I forget, and it makes things easy while there’s nothing going on. It makes it so I can live with myself. It makes me think maybe I have a future. But really, all ther...


It’s been a good 24 hours off and on of just sleeping and watching youtube. It’s like candy to me. I have been learning from it, though. I thought it was just entertainment. It would be for other...


I finally fell asleep for a few hours. I woke up feeling every nerve in my body registering pain. No reason for it. I took some ibuprofen to try to help in case it was inflammation. It went away ...


What can I say? I didn’t intentionally play it so much. My player had 2 downloads of it. And for the most part, it is a really good song for putting things on shelves in the middle of the night. ...


Years went by when I hadn’t had the experience, education, immersion in other people’s experiences to understand what I was saying was wrong. There were times I questioned things, but I had a gui...


June 05, 2018

Survey in Whimsy

This one’s been done by a few people I know. I’m joining in. Never say I’m not a joiner. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? I’m not sure anything is guaranteed to make me weep except t...


Books 3


23 Entries
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22 Entries
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1 Entry
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