BulletWithButterflyWings ⋅

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…doing nothing. I never have an answer for this. I feel like I’m not good at anything. I’m ok at a lot of things. I can do things. I guess the thing I’m best at is being whatever i need to be. I’...


My little one turned 4 today. This morning I said guess what? You’re 4 today. He stood real tall and looked at his body then began bouncing up and down saying I’m so excited. When he’s cute, he’s...


…because it helps me feel safe and secure. I don’t feel as much anxiety when I know he is in control and I’m pleasing him. When I say Yes Master it solidifies his control over me and let’s me rel...


October 06, 2018

Mellow mushroom in My nothingness

Back home from the funeral. He was a member of the knights of Columbus so there were guys with swords standing in front. My kids thought that was cool, my husband too in all honesty. Went to mell...


October 05, 2018

Funeral, etc. in My nothingness

I have to get ready to go to a funeral. The dad of the people my husband works for. My stomach still doesn’t feel great. It doesn’t help that I eat badly. I’m horny as hell. Never getting satisfi...


I don’t have much… Or anything that I can think of. Never have. I tolerated myself even when everybody loved me. It actually frustrated me that people liked me so much. I didn’t understand it. I’...


I would never say things to people’s faces or behind their backs. But I think things. Negative and mean first. Maybe that’s why people think I’m quiet and shy. I don’t have anything nice to say. ...


October 01, 2018

40??? in The road to 40

What does that even mean? How is that possible? I remember when my mom was younger than me. Seemed so much older. Age is weird. Life is weird. I thought about turning 40 briefly the other day. I ...


I don’t want to. I want to be easy going, give you what you want. I have no values or boundaries. I don’t want people to be disappointed in me. I don’t want confrontation. I want to smile and say...


I’m a black hole. I’ll suck you in and you can’t ever get out. You won’t know where you’ve been or where you’re going. Or even how long you’ve been there. You think I’ll be different, you’re the ...


Because I’m not. I was nice to look at, fun to talk to. But I don’t want a commitment to anyone. Everyone always assumed I liked them and there was a future with us. No. So my shirt should say if...


I definitely think that I am not a creature of habit. I hate routine and schedules. Planning makes me have panic attacks. I love variety and spontaneity. I don’t think being a creature of habit i...


I wish i could communicate to my parents that they a super annoying about my kids and stop buying them so much crap. I wish i could communicate to my husband that i need more, better attention to...


I am never honest according to how i think or i feel. I always do or say what i think the other person wants. So figuring out what i want would be first. Then just not being afraid of saying it. ...


My husband and I have a different kind of relationship meaning we aren’t your normal married couple. We aren’t all romantic and lovey. I’m not a romantic type of person so it works out great for ...


… is not particularly enjoyable so why do I jump to it whenever my husband wants it? Well because he’s my husband. I have no reason to pass it up other than i am a messed up freak. I try to be no...


… is something I’ve always been lacking. I want it now. I need it now for my kids sake and my sanity. Every day is a toss up and we all get on each others nerves. I don’t have the control over th...


…sometimes it’s scary because he’s angry and I’m afraid I’m going to lose him and this. I need what we have. I feel guilty that I’m asking him to stay with me this way but I think this could be v...


…is hard me for to say. I hold back. I have different truths for different people and circumstances. I have so many layers to my brain. I don’t feel like I can ever just be me. I don’t know what ...


If neither of the first things happened (dad dying and being molested.) I would be in a totally different place. But being constantly picked on by my parents growing up, that gave me the feeling ...


…I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. I’m not proud of anything I’ve done. I’ve always known people thought I was attractive but I’ve never felt it. I felt like a freak even tho everyone w...


When Master tasks me with balls insertion, I feel… excited, eager and rampy. When I insert my balls, I feel…wet, slimy, happy. When Master praises me for being a good girl, I feel… content, sati...


Hmm. That I’m quiet I guess. People think I’m quiet and shy. I can be quiet when I’m talking to people I’m not comfortable with. I don’t make a scene in a public. I don’t initiate conversation un...


…is hidden under layers and layers. I think I’m lazy and selfish. I like to hide in my house so I don’t have to deal with real life. The less I’m out in the real world the better. The only proble...


…I want to give him all I can. He’s been so good to me. Caring about me. Trying to get me to open up. He puts so much effort in to me to make me a better person and to be happier with where I am ...


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