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The Real Pretend Mulling

by Pretend Mulling

Entries 714

Page 1 of 29

My period is kicking my ass. How badly, you ask? I had take-out two nights in a row this week: Pad Thai on Monday and Domino’s yesterday. That never happens, ever. And it’s not like I don’t h...


This song has been playing almost nonstop in my head for the last week.


July 17, 2020

Random Life Updates

My herbs, which I was trying to grow from seed, are either majorly struggling (chives), got sunburned (cilantro and basil), or were eaten by critters (everything else, including the dill, which h...


July 05, 2020

This is cool...

A compilation of songs that were either cut from Hamilton or changed before opening night. I think “Congratulations” is my favorite, but I can see why it was cut. That was Eliza’s moment, not A...


Example: I am currently not wearing pants. Underwear, yes, but not pants. Speaking of, I ordered three pairs of my usual jeans (Lee midrise bootcut, black, size 12) from Walmart, after not being...


I took my car, a 2010 Subaru Forester, in for basic maintenance today, and I also asked if they could check my transmission fluid. It’s been shifting a little too roughly for my taste, and since...


June 21, 2020

That feel when...

You turn in all of your assignments that you put off until way too late, fifteen minutes before all of them are due. I’ve got more to say, but I need to get to bed.


I met the Gen-Z’er at the Olive Garden, because if there’s anything that can bridge the distance between a Millennial and a Gen-Zer, it’s the pillowy softness and buttery, garlicky delight that i...



June 09, 2020

Dear scammers:

//clears throat// STOP TEXTING ME WITH FAKE FUCKING “JOB OFFERS” AND CLAIMING YOU GOT MY INFO FROM INDEED. Know how I know? Because you’re texting me. I have specifically opted OUT of text mess...


Great Green Arkleseizure bless John Mulaney.


Has been said by Bill Maher. 2020 is a hell of a year, innit? A pandemic could collapse our economy, we have actual murder hornets in the US, and Bill Maher is the voice of reason on the most i...



Basically anything by Randy Rainbow makes me happy. He is the hero we need. Drunk Survey-ing is back! And just like last time, I’m starting it on my third vodka-cranapple. Unlike last time...


//side-eyes graphic// Dude. About 90% of all songs are about drugs, last time I checked. ‘Course, this makes today’s prompt easy. (Yes, I’m doing it way ahead of schedule, because I can’t slee...


This song is the basis for one of my favorite throw-away jokes in South Park: After Wendy breaks up with Stan, Bebe tells him that he needs to stand outside Wendy’s window and play Peter Gabri...


I might update this with more, but for now, I must away to my “essential” pizza delivery job, and hope that people are actually tipping tonight.


Do you have a sister that steals your things? I don’t have a sister, period. What song is dancing through your think machine? “Phantom of the Opera”. For some reason, I can’t get enough of it la...


This morning, my mother group-texted everyone to ask “are we getting together today?” As if there ISN’T a stay-at-home order in place, and as if there ISN’T a fucking pandemic happening, and as ...


By Dr. Cornelia Griggs I’ve had hard conversations this week. “Look me in the eye,” I said to my neighbor Karen, who was spiraling to a dark place in her mind. “I make this personal promise to yo...


March 17, 2020

Well, this is promising.

According to a Marist/NPR poll, only 37% of those polled trust what Cheeto Benito is saying about coronavirus… And 84% of them trusted public health officials. You guys, I think -I’m not sure, b...


I think he’s right about casting the president. My only question is, what was so horrifically awful that we ended up with a failed real estate tycoon who was marginally successful as a reality ...


I’m pretty sure I sprained my neck… by sleeping in the wrong position. Welcome to Life In Your 30s, I suppose. The last time I sprained my neck, it was a sports injury from almost falling off a...


Am I the only one thinking that the whole “don’t be a Karen” thing (i.e., don’t be a flaming bag of clap-riddled dick to customer service workers) is noble and incredibly needed, but also kind of...


March 05, 2020

Quick updates

First day back at work since Friday. My supervisor forgot to tell my attorneys I was out Tuesday and Wednesday (I told my team lead I’d be out Monday for the MRI), so my inbox was full of my att...


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WYSIWYG.