I, Little Bernard teddy bear QC would like to file a criminal report in a Court of Law! On the Saturday 16th of October 2021 at approximately 7pm a most horrid crime was committed to the very bowels of criminality! My client, IamaWotsit was engaging in a game of Monopoly with her husband, The Blokey. Betty Buttons rag doll was acting as the Banker.
My client had managed to lawfully purchase both dark blue, all 3 pinks, water and electric and over time had acquired houses and hotels and had purchased other properties too. All was going well. The Blokey had acquired all 3 oranges, all 3 greens, both browns initially with various houses/hotels and train stations. He had been jailed 3 times and had to pay Super Tax twice.
As the game went on my client, sadly, began to lose grip and had to sell all her properties back to the Betty Banker or to The Blokey. She ended up with £2.00 and The Blokey flattened her! He had ENORNMOUS wealth! The T-rex proved to be unlucky for my client.
On the 23rd October 2021 at approximately 6:30 pm there was another match with Charlie the monkey as Banker. After landing on The Blokey’s dark blue/green/red properties with multiple houses/hotels, my client’s financial status was looking gloomy as she had enormous rent’s to pay as well as having to pay twice £50.00 to get out of jail, Doctors and School fees. She farted and begged The Blokey to take that as rent but he refused! Again, my client was left financially devastated while he raked in all the cash and her properties! The cat also proved unlucky.
Then finally on the 30th October 2021 at approximately 7pm another game was engaged in with my good self as the Banker. Things were looking up for my client, she’d acquired various properties, houses/hotels and was quite financially stable until The Blokey leaped on her again, forcing her to pay extortionate rents so my client burped, begging him to take it as rent and spare her dainty soul and mitigating circumstances! Again, he refused! At the time of cashing up my client had less than £500.00, had to sell all her properties to the Bank or The Blokey. This time the penguin was her downfall! This is an abomination! I lodged an appeal with the Supreme Court and the Courts of Women Tenants Rights and they thankfully upheld my complaint!
Then, to add insult to injury The Blokey, after taking all her property and monies DEMANDED my client make HIM a cuppa and cheese/onion on toast! This is devastating in a world that criminalizes women victims while letting the male criminals go free!