On and On

by Hatchi

Entries 132

Page 1 of 6

January 03, 2021


I feel so scared to sleep tonight. This morning (4am), my cat woke me up, so I put her in the living room. Shortly after I dozed off and had a nightmare that I was looking out of my mum’s bedroom...

December 18, 2020


Since the beginning of this week I’ve felt so stupid. Everything I’ve done just makes me feel bad; I regret everything I spilled to my mum this week because she looks at me like I’m an idiot now....

October 21, 2020


Since the other day, I’ve donned a new style of dress. I’ve gone for a jumper/polo neck and midaxi skirt thing, and I am very comfortable. I don’t feel self conscious about my body, my conservati...

October 18, 2020


I handed in a giant project without annotations on three of my most hated pages. I hated doing the work, I would’ve been able to finish it all if I hadn’t gotten sick. My mental health is taking ...

October 14, 2020


I’ve recovered from my cold, and my model sheet came out craptastic (hahaha) though I’m glad I’m through with that project. I’m busy slashing away at my sketchbook with acrylics, trying to finish...

October 05, 2020


My family has been circulating rumours about me being gay and my mum has just recently confronted me about it. I’m terrified. I’ve closed my social media in fear of blurting out something stupid ...

September 24, 2020


Started storyboarding for my project!! It’s so exciting knowing the start, middle, and end of something for once. I went to the opticians for an eye test and I guess I need glasses.. they’re com...

September 20, 2020


I don’t like how my scars are fading, it feels like kind of an insult to how I suffered so much after that event. Everything is pissing me off and tiring me out; I’ve screwed up my theory assignm...

September 17, 2020


I completely and utterly regret how I acted for the past 2 months. I could’ve been doing something so much beneficial to me than just worrying… I always seem to make the mistake of putting my who...

September 10, 2020


I have to wake up at 5…to leave for a bus at 7…to get to class on time for stay until 5....and get back to town at 7.... i really hope everything goes smoothly since i don’t think i’ll be...

September 08, 2020


I had my first class yesterday, everything was so hard. Sure, the actual class wasn’t all that difficult, but everything else felt so suffocating. I had a panic attack in town. Everything feels s...

August 28, 2020


I keep listening to powapowa_P as if sad nostalgia tracks help me be any less sad. 使わせていただいた曲 is an absolute favourite though, it always makes me cry :( some mutual online today was saying that h...

August 27, 2020


I feel so incredibly overwhelmed from my enrolment mess.. and for some reason my stepdad is talking to me with absolutely no filter?? Everything is making me distressed and I’m always two steps a...

August 24, 2020


I still feel as invalid as ever… one of my friends was telling me about how she’d finally gotten closer with a guy she has mutual feelings with, and I feel so bitter and jealous. I want what she ...

August 20, 2020


I feel weird, and on the verge of death. I want to c*t a lot more now and cry and cry and cry. I can’t cry yet though, people keep pestering me for things and opening my door. He hasn’t come onl...

August 17, 2020


I miss him a lot. I miss listening to him bramble on about nature and him saying ‘oops’ so much. I miss him so much it hurts everytime the rain falls. Fuck this stormy weather. I wish I’d pushed ...

August 13, 2020


It feels like the universe is doing everything in its power to pull me away from working. I’ve shut myself in my room all day to tie up loose ends and I’m still barely through my first signature....

August 11, 2020


My room hasn’t gone below 30°c all week, I’m going insane. I have two barely working fans to keep the airflow… I feel dehydrated just by breathing. I regret having miso ramen at that restaurant, ...

August 08, 2020


I miss him. I miss him a lot, it really hurts to know what we could’ve had before everything fell apart. He messed me up and now my whole world has collapsed fucking sideways??? It’s weird. Hope...

August 06, 2020


I’m running in circles. I’ve started my college work and I think I’ve hit a wall already with the inside cover. I’m making a junk journal and I can’t fish out the good stuff in my head and I can’...

July 31, 2020


Today has been horrific. The guy I like still hasn’t come online.. does it make it a week? I’m trying with every fibre of my body to convince myself that he hasn’t died, but what else can I do? I...

July 29, 2020


I’m worried. Getting worried to the point that I haven’t been eating and now I’ve ruined my diet and meal prep. Today is his birthday, and I’ve sent him some kind messages and the drawing I’d don...

July 28, 2020


I identify as a lesbian, but I’ve started forming some weird feelings towards this guy I speak to pretty frequently online. But everything feels so terrifying now because he hasn’t texted me in t...

July 24, 2020


Very tired. Spent the whole day being useless and a burden (even if I did change out of my pyjamas).... My diet has ultimately killed my appetite, though I miss egg custard tarts a lot and wish I...

July 23, 2020


I regret a lot. I regret so many decisions I made when I was younger, because they’ve absolutely ruined so many chances for me now. I regret falling in love, and I regret picking up art. I regret...

Book Description

This is me just rambling. I do not particularly mind who reads this as everyone I know are dicks who do not care about me.

Strong language, slurs and insults will be flowing from whatever I write; I am an extreme passive-aggresive. I am also at a very confusing and stressful time of my life so I will regret every word I type later on.

E/ I used to deal with insane suicidal thoughts/tendencies/urges so you may find some of that there. I’ve quit self harming, so I guess I’ve got that going for me, but I still get down in the dumps. Either way, I’m feeling better compared to last year!