May 8 reflections in Old

It’s funny how throughout my life I have compared how I look to others, my age or older. There were times when I looked much older than I was due to stress and some very bad habits. I have A curiosity about some entertainer how they look at a certain age. This has mostly come about the past few years when I’ve noticed entertainers celebrities dying. Those close to my age. I am very close to 69 and tonight I saw an English actor had died at 74. I looked at his face and I went damn that motherfucker looks old. Then I take a look at my own face and ask how old do I look? Am I fairly well preserved? I think so, but I need to do much more to keep myself better preserved and living as long as I can.

I called my oldest brother today. He is 74. I think his diet is crap and he doesn’t exercise. When I ask him about exercise, he usually lies and laughs. Today it took him a few rings to answer the phone and when he did finally pick it up, I could just hear some odd noises from him and he would not speak. Finally, I bitched his ass out and he got talking. It was a phone call of no real information exchanged a lot of my cussing and acting using my old factory worker persona. I recently saw a photo of my brother and I wondered how long he’s gonna last because he just doesn’t look very good. I am amazed that I’ve lived to see this age. It amazes me too, how I have changed with time. I still have plenty of muscle, but I know that’s going to disappear and it has been since I was in my 20s according to science. I once had nice brown wavy hair, but then my hair started thinning on the top and I said fuck it, and just started shaving my head. Nice and uniform that way.

I once or let’s say a few times led a very self-destructive lifestyle and in recent years, it’s quite the opposite. I would get surgery so that I could do more exercise if I could find somebody to help me get to and from the hospital. I don’t trust my sister to do it because the last time I had an operation, she basically kidnapped me and took me to her house. I want to push myself again and exercise ride a bike lift weights use a rowing machine. Things like that. I’m limited at the moment, but I try to use the treadmill as much as I safely can. I have this whole thing now of self preservation. At earlier times in my life, I said I did not want to live anymore but now that I’m old, I want to live more and more. I want to push myself to be healthy. I have been free of ice cream for a couple months now and I don’t eat any other candy. I’ve seen positive changes in myself, changing my diet to be more clean. I don’t want to look like one of those old bastards a couple years older than I when I die. It’s something I laugh at in myself. Let’s get healthier than that fucking movie star.