March 11 in Old

Big day for me. After three years of living this way, it’s still exciting I look forward to getting a deposit of my Social Security at 10:15 in the morning on a Monday two days before I’m supposed to get it. It was so incredibly bizarre to get money without working for a month for it. The idiot right wing in the USA often talks about cutting Medicare and Social Security, but they should be doing the opposite for all Americans fixing the system so that it’s better for all.

Mondays are my shopping day. My bird max knows this she hovers around me not wanting me to go. Because I only get out once a week out of necessity, it’s always a big thing for me. I have to consciously remember how to drive my car. It’s an experience I savor. Probably like some little old man I drive the speed limit and I talk to myself. OK good job. You’re not all over the road. You’re not hitting anybody. I can live at myself about it. Practice keeping the phone on the seat beside you. Don’t even look at that fucker.

I get to Aldi and I have to deliberately move. Watch how I walk and move. It happens with being alone all the time. If I am about to say something to someone, I’m careful about it and even rehearse it in my mind. Then with some confidence that I can talk OK, I greet people smile even wave. A bit like Forrest Gump. Which is a good thing. Today I got most of my shopping done and found the manager, and we had a very amusing conversation with a couple other workers joining in. It’s a good feeling. I asked about the worker experience with customers, and I was told the strangest complaint they had was that the customers of the store were not friendly enough to one customer and she sent a complaint to corporate headquarters about it. You get that? A customer complaining that other customers were not friendly enough. The manager joked about an encounter I had with a fanatical Christian. The story grows in the telling. With this telling I was running away from the woman. It wasn’t that bad. I was very polite, but she was funny in how crazy she seemed. I made a joke about her poor husband looking so miserable. I saw a female worker ride wants to help and made a effort to get her eye smile and wave at her. It’s OK to be friendly. I saw a customer a person of color with a nice head covering, and I complemented him on it and said I would like to get one like that. I think he was amused or I hope he was. That’s some old white guy was talking about getting some headgear like his. do rag looks good on a bald head. I’m also thinking about getting round glasses old style to go with my beard. It’s enjoyable to try to change anyway I want in a positive positive way.

I drove across the street to the Kroger grocery store. I had a moral breakdown and got a gallon of an ice cream. Chocolate sauce, too. Spinach but not to go with the ice cream. I saw a couple workers that I think I better be careful around. I’ve been friendly to them, but they just sort of shrug and one of them snarls at me. I wonder how people get that way. A snarl is a heavy burden to carry all day long. I saw one of my favorite workers there. Woman from Bangladesh. I don’t know if she’s single or married, but I assume she’s married. I always have fun joking with her. Last week, while shopping there encountered a worker that was whining about his health. I went over to him, and I asked about his health and I was sincere about it. I think I surprised him that I gave a shit. Sure, I do. He seems like a decent sort nice guy. One of the handicap workers came up to me and greeted me, and I clapped them on the shoulder and told him to have a nice day. Doing such makes me feel good. I’m such a selfish bastard when I’m friendly to people. I told the woman worker about what the manager at Aldi had said about the complainer. She told me that she practices being kind to people and I told her I noticed that and I thank her for that. Working with people must be a bitch. I did work in a grocery store once and it was fun with people, but I also had to work my ass off.

My birds have been obsessed with my kitchen cabinets. Trying to open them to get in for hell if I know. They get on top of a door and try to pry it open. They were making a banging noise that was driving me nuts so I taped the door shut, but they still tried to open them. I spent days yelling at them and waving a stick. It was good exercise for me because he got me off my ass. I finally let them win tonight. I untaped the cupboard doors and put small plastic bags over anything that the birds could chew on. OK, you assholes. You got what you wanted. I believe it’s because it’s nesting season for that specie. Now you have a little boxes, you can walk around in and get very very bored. I am so grateful to have these birds. We interact. Sometimes I go up to them and look at them a few inches away from them and I say what’s up guys. Buddy will try to bite my fingers every time he sees them, but so far never my face. For someone with such a small brain, I think he understands suicide.

A friend of mine that lives in St. Petersburg Russia flew to Italy in a roundabout way. She had to use airlines that were not sanctioned. Well, she was waiting for an Azerbaijani flight. I read about some bombings and fires in St. Petersburg. Caused by Ukrainian drones. We never talk about the war. Her grandfather was put in a Gulag during World War II. She’s very careful. Even though WhatsApp is very well encrypted, it’s not worth the risk of somebody being arrested for stupid shit. I talk American politics, but even then not much of that. I know her life is dark enough, so I try to keep it light. People in Russia now have to be very very careful about all they say write and do. I have another friend in Moscow. Known her for over 30 years. I am very cautious with what I say.

There is so much on the Internet about Alzheimer’s and dementia. I suspect it’s because whatever site I’m on knows I’m an old bastard. There is no history of such in my family that I know of. To try to be safe and look at what prevents it, and I always feel haunted that some sign of it will show up in me. I forgot something. Is that just simple forgetfulness or something worse? How are my conversation skills? What can I remember? So far fairly good. Far more coherent than many politicians. But it seems I am often watching myself with a part of my mind wondering if things are working right. But if I can be my own watcher, it’s a sign that things are working good.