Mexican Jail in Tales Of The Peruvian Mountains
- Oct. 23, 2013, 7:30 p.m.
- |
- Public
Greetings, fellow ODers! I've been slackin', lately, with the updates, because I've been locked-up in a Mexican jail for chinchilla trafficking. AGAIN. Turns out the Federales were onto my attempt at hiding them in clay Virgin Marys. The scratching noises from within gave them away and there I was, with a VANLOAD of these motherfuckers, making the crossing from Guatemala. I tried to bribe the local magistrate with a free 6-month subscription to Open Diary, but he just laughed at me in Spanish and the next thing I knew, I was somebody's date to the annual Sadie Hawkins Day Ball for a pack of Marlboros and a grilled cheese sandwich. Anyway, I've just been released and hope to be on the next flight to Lima by morning. Until then, I'm catching up on all my emails, including customer service-related pieces from 2006 onward, while soaking my anus in a bath of epsom salts because- You know.
Shrimp tamales: my new favorite thing in the world. I'm calling room service for another plate.
Lepetit pumpkinesque ⋅ October 23, 2013
:)
Deleted user ⋅ October 23, 2013
Jose wasn't kind to you in Mexican jail huh?
The DiaryMistress (no, really) ⋅ October 23, 2013
Oh honey, you know how shrimp makes your back break out! I will stock the master bath with loofas and coconut scrub.
That said, when the HELL are you coming home and where's my allowance? I had to go without bonbons all last month and the chihuahuas couldn't get their nails done! You better believe my girlfriends heard about THAT!
Off to take a couple of xanax and drink a bottle of cheap Malbec! Kiss kiss, hug hug, watch your back!
Mrs DM
QueSeraSera ⋅ October 23, 2013
LMAOOOOOOO. This made me laugh A needed one.
cricket_factor ⋅ October 23, 2013
Oh Bruce, you met Bubba in there, eh? Kind of like what you've been doing to us the past couple of years?