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I finally linked up with Alex & Bruce. I got a better picture of what this position looks like that I’m applying for. It’s not shift work. We don’t know what the starting wage is for this pro...

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Cassie, at work, did not recognize me right me right away. She had to do a double take. She told me that she could see that I was losing weight and was concerned. I lost 10lbs. I told her to spre...

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Whenever I feel like I am about to spiral I race to play Skyrim. This is the only anesthetic that kills everything I feel inside. I get to leave this world behind. I could have worse vices. I wa...

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I almost cried today. I’m supposed to honor my feelings, as per my therapist, but I don’t know what that looks like. I doubt it looks like a grown-ass man crying at work. There is a shift happeni...

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HR called me into the office today. What I had said to the ASM last week triggered an investigation. They wanted me to give a statement about what I had reported last week to Emily. I couldn’t re...

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I did not sleep well. I went to bed early so that I could start my hectic week off right. So naturally I woke up a brazilian times to void my damn bladder. Am I 50!? I’m going to be too tired to ...

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My CBT session on Friday was not as intense as the first one because I didn’t want to discuss the topic we discussed in the first one. Our focus was on my avoidance and procrastination. Our big e...

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I wanted to hit up the gym this evening but it is going to be too busy. It was unmanageable yesterday. It was overrun with teens and tweens. This is why I prefer to go in the morning. I ended up ...

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I’m trying to tune into myself but I can’t connect, for better or for worse. It’s like I’m tongue-tied. Thought-tied? Emotion-tied? I’m not numbed out, I’m not sure what this is. Could it be that...

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The saga continued with my supervisor. At our morning meeting, she brought up some of the metrics, and long story short, I told her that I see a pattern that looks like theft. Point blank, she to...

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I feel like my therapist is going to ask me how I’m feeling on a scale of 1-10 when I see him on Friday. I hate that question. Kmood = [A][D] / [Fnet] The mood constant equals the...

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I had an appointment with my ND (Naturopathic Doctor) today. Things seem to be going in the right direction. We discussed my anxiety and depression at length this time around. My anxiety was sky-...

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I should be doing a few practice questions right now, in my chem class, but the material is lost on me. The unit is on Acids and Bases. It’s my own fault that I am lost. We have a test on the uni...

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Know your story. That is one of the big lessons I learned early in my self-improvement journey. I have never really done that and I’m not about to start now. At least, not go deep. Currently, my...

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I cannonballed into my therapy session yesterday. I didn’t waste any time booking an appointment after my consultation. The session was intense. I didn’t expect it to be and we haven’t even gone ...

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My consultation with the Cognitive Behavioural Therapist went well. He wants to blend it with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This one is about changing our relationships with our though...

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I had a moment today where I was second-guessing if I need support from a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. That was short-lived. The consultation is tomorrow morning over the phone. I hope it is ...

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I definitely feel like I am seventeen again. At this moment. I have to go face the music and go to class. It feels like the first day of school which is what every day felt like back when my soci...

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All my scars are open. All of my suppressed trauma bubbled up to the surface last weekend. As we know. It’s not like things can be normal. At least, I can’t just be normal. My version of normal. ...

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I’m hungover today. The guilt will hit me later. I feel like I cheated myself but I shan’t punish myself for a good time. I wasn’t going to drink but I felt peer pressure. All of my friends, who ...

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Be careful what you wish for. I said that I didn’t want to care anymore. Now I can’t care if I tried. This too shall pass. Who I am is collapsing in on itself, for better or for worse. I always ...

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I am not in control today. I don’t even care. I soaked in the tub when I got home. Did a detox bath. I lay naked in bed after. On a towel for a half hour because I continue to sweat, which is th...

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Social media has spawned a community of neurodivergents. I’ve mentioned it before and I find them very menacing. It’s another way people are getting their narcissist supply. Narcissism is not sep...

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Yesterday, I surrendered to the part of my psyche that makes me act compulsively. I did not want to exert any of my mental energy. Call it a day off. It’s not a heinous pattern of behaviors, mind...

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My previous entry gave me a catharsis I didn’t know I needed. The week that followed was like walking on air. I was not weighed down. That couldn’t possibly last, of course. My weekend was not a...

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